9 Sings Your Girlfriend Might Have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

If you have reached the point of calling your girlfriend a "psycho" for her strange confusing behaviors, then most likely you are at the end of the rope in your relationship with her. Your relationship is just too intense with so many ups and downs. Her mood fluctuates so rapidly that one day she is "heads over heels in love" and the next hour she insults you profusely. The worse part is she does not care if people are "raising their eyebrows" on her emotional outbursts. However, it is not easy to tell your family and friends that you are concerned with your safety. It doesn't sound masculine to be afraid of your girl, but you are so stressed out.

Though there are new treatment options for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), the illness is relatively new and was just defined in the 1980's. Often times, when you talk about Borderline Personality Disorder, most people think you are talking about Bipolar Disorder. According to the book entitled "New Hope for People with Borderline Personality Disorder by Dr, Neil Bockian, "one out of seven people have this disorder".

New researches in this field are gaining popularity. However, more studies need to pinpoint the exact causes of this disorder. While there are empirical studies indicating that abuse and neglect play an important role in the large percentage of BPD sufferers, there is also growing evidence that it is possible to have it without any exposure to trauma. Thus, the argument of genetic predisposition is emerging.

It is difficult to recognize someone with Borderline Personality Disorder after just a few initial meetings. Borderlines have eluded many mental health professionals. Lack of actual exposure to someone with Borderline Personality Disorder inhibits a therapist to accurately diagnosed the disorder. Thus, families are left confused on what is really wrong with their loved one.

Though Borderline Personality Disorder is debilitating, the illness presents itself in people who are high-functioning. High functioning Borderlines have jobs, families, education and social network. The low-functioning Borderlines are those who possess over dependency, suicidal or self-injury behaviors and substance abuse. In order to be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Dr. Bockian culled the DSM-IV, Fourth Edition (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) for the nine criteria. Your girlfriend must have five or more of the 9 criteria to be a strong candidate for Borderline Personality Disorder.

1. Fear of Abandonment ("Makes desperate attempts to avoid Abandonment")

A Borderline cannot tolerate parting. This separation may just be the usual daily routine of going to your job or hanging out with your best friend and families. If you have decided to break up with her, be assured that she will not take it lightly. She will desperately attempt to win you back at whatever cost. The description of the abandonment feelings experienced by Borderlines is labeled as "terrifying analogous to hell".

2. Volatile Relationship ("Unstable and Intense relationships, alternates with devaluing and idealization")

Many Borderlines suffer from low esteem. They cannot accept that they are people worthy of love. Borderlines project their empty feelings to their partner by leading the relationship to intense circle of love-hate emotions. Her emotional vial for love and attention cannot be filled. It is very confusing to feel so intimate with her for one moment and be the arch enemy in the next. In other words, you are valued as her "prince charming" in one second and degraded to a floor mat in another time. The odd thing is there is no logic to her criteria for what makes a "jerk" and a "hero". Her reasoning is driven by emotions.

3. Inability to Know Who They Really Are ("Sense of self-image is chronically unstable")

Borderlines are known to be passionate about various occupations at different periods of her life. Her self-image is unstable making her in constant drift and searching for who she is. She seems to be frozen in "adolescent" mode for the rest of her life when it comes to changing jobs and studying one college course to the other. She easily gets annoyed with co-workers, customers and clients. Without the capacity to restrain herself, everyone in the workplace think she is a tyrant. She changes her wardrobe to an Indian Sari in one period to a young teenager in another.

4. Suicidal Tendencies, Self Injury, Threats ("Frequent suicidal gestures or threats, or injuries of himself/herself")

The pain that a Borderline experiences is so intense. They do feel intense rejection, anger and self-hatred. They want to distract themselves from the overwhelming feelings of emptiness that they resort to self-injury such as cutting wrists. They also go on a food binge. Her level of frustration is so high. Some Borderlines pride themselves for not going the suicide route, however, they do attempt other risky behaviors such as affairs, one night stands, substance abuse, use of alcohol and excessive damaging threats.

5. Impulsive Acts ("Acts on impulse on ways that can be self-damaging")

Borderlines are known to have lack of boundaries and act in the heat of the moment. Sometimes, it feels like they have not studied the proper etiquette and decorum in social situations. People tend to see it as inappropriate behaviors or lack of finesse brought about by poor upbringing. Borderlines tend to feel that they are in desperate situations that need drastic actions. Thus, their actions are always justified in their minds.

6. Mood Rollercoaster ("Highly unstable mood")

Borderlines experience mood swings from being so thrilled to being discontented and disturbed. On their highs, they like to overspend. Borderlines appear to be "eternal colicky persons" with fussy and irritable dispositions. One moment they are strong as Hercules and then later on show such lack of energy.

7. Feelings of Meaninglessness ("Chronically experiences feelings of emptiness")

A Borderline feels so empty. It usually can be seen as a sullen, pale look on their face. Their eyes may have defined eye bags and dark circles when they are in this mood. To their loved ones, she appears disassociated. Present but not there. After being with her for some time, you feel like you do not know her at all and there are no topics to discuss with her.

8. Shows Rages (" Easily Provoked to Anger")

A person with Borderline Personality Disorder can show extreme anger when provoked. She goes to a very primitive almost instinctive level when she feels very threatened. An issue sensitive to her may bring her to a rage mode where she fights for what she is and what she believes in. She has a difficult time regulating her emotions. It is almost akin to the emotional reactions of a toddler spewing foul languages.

9. Paranoid and loss of awareness ("Under Stress, becomes paranoid or has symptoms of dissociation)

Under normal stress, a Borderline will feel very distressed. A Borderline will accuse their loved one of causing her pain and grief. Sometimes, she seems distant and unaware of what really transpired. It is similar to memory lapses. It is for this reason that it seems they are abusing drugs or intoxicated. They actually feel like they are having a nervous breakdown and cannot mentally figure out what they are experiencing. The Borderline may hit you, verbally abuse you and will have no memory it happened. A Borderline may invalidate all your efforts to help her by accusing you of deliberately hurting her.

4 Strategies to Help Your Girlfriend

1. Remind her t stress may be from her hurts in the past. Tell her that you are there to help her to be calm and focused at the moment. It will be ok in a few minutes.

2. Validate her feelings that she seem unable to get what she wants and needs in her life. Tell her that it is possible to get what she wants but she must know that she is worth to be respected and loved foremost. Remind her that she in not ugly, bad or horrible. Knowing her boundaries and other people's limits will help her make friends and be fun to live with.

3. Make sure that she has proper nutrition and de-stressing a lot. When you feel that she is in her best self, explain to her that some of her body signals are cues that she is experiencing stress. And both of you must treat it as signals and not as something to react to.

4. Research on relaxation techniques that you can invest in when she is experiencing disregulation. It could be according to her interest like art therapy, music therapy, yoga, walking in the park. Talk about it and decide to make it a part of your day.

Conclusion:

Though you may want to escape your relationship with a girl who may appear to have Borderline Personality Disorder, leaving her may not be an option at the moment. Either she won't let you, or you want to understand the disorder to help her. The facade that a Borderline shows you is one of manipulation but underneath is extreme pain. It is very important that you go and seek counseling from a qualified therapist who can understand Borderline Personality Disorder. Meanwhile, you need to seek therapy for yourself. Otherwise, the toxic relationship will further aggravate your emotional health to the point that you will suffer secondary trauma and possible Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. You need coping skills to deal with the disorder and help her. The relationship may also drain you financially. Often times, the relationship leads to some legal battles. It is important to have a therapeutic stance in your approach with your loved one with Borderline Personality Disorder. Therapeutic approach means always seeking to empathize and validate the feelings of a Borderline and establish boundaries to a healthy relationship.

There are emerging treatments for Borderline Personality Disorder gaining some momentum and success. But all the treatment options are worthless, if your Borderline girlfriend refuse to recognize that she needs help. Often times, before she even accepts her illness, your foot is at the door.

Sources:

Dr. Neil R. Brockian, "New Hope For People With Borderline Personality Disorder"

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (DSM-IV)