9 Things I Learned from My Mother

If asked to describe my mother, I would describe her as busy. Who would not be busy with 9 children? As the family grew, it became the older siblings responsibitly to care for and teach the younger ones how to do things. Much of what I learned to do, such as tying my shoe laces baking cookies, learning to read or to ice skate was taught by my older siblings. Mom liked to sew and spent long hours hidden in her "sewing room" making elaborate Halloween costumes or matching courduroy skirts for her daughters. She also liked to knit, retiring to her bedroom while Dad and the children watched television. Our beautiful cashmere Easter outfits were a hit at the Easter parade.

Another word I would use to describe is my mother is quiet. She was a woman of few words. She was not given to the long-winded lectures some parents use when teaching their children right from wrong. Looking back, it seems she believed children should get their education at school not in the home. Perhaps she had been intimidated by educators. Mom explained that the teachers said parents should not teach the children to read. Parents did not do it correctly, making it difficult for them to teach the skill. She was also berated for not forcing a left handed sibling to use his right hand the moment it became apparent he was thus inclined. Most of our conversations took place in the kitchen while she washed dishes when it was my turn to dry them.

Helping others was another thing that kept mom busy along with doing household chores.She was often too busy to pay a lot of attention to all her children. Although I learned most of my skills from older siblings, she did teach me how to prepare family meals. Again, it was in the kitchen where I spent the most time with Mom. Through actions, not words, my mother was teaching many things about herself and about life. Some of my favorite memories of my mother were time spent together in her vegatable garden or tending to her outdoor flowers. I have fond memories of walking to the cemetery helping her wheel the baby carriage. While she was busy tending to graves, I was busy looking after baby brother.

Death was one of the subjects she was not comfortable discussing. Questions were often met with, "that is not for a child's ears", or "I will explain that to you when you are older". Some subjects were taboo. I got more answers from my Aunts. Sex education was learned from my oldest sister. Although she seemed to be absent from during my formative years, I learned a lot more than 9 things from my mother. She often used quotes from the Bible or literature. I was not aware of it at the time. It seemed these were just words of wisdom coming from mother's lips. It was not until I was an adult I learned the sources of her wisdom. Here are 9 of the expressions she often used:

1. "Thou dost protest too much." Shakespeare

2. "What a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." Sir Walter Scott

3. "God helps those who help themselves." Ben Franklin

4. "Two wrongs don't make a right." unknown origin

5. "Night, night; sleep tight; don't let the cootie bugs bite." The expression attributed to a time when ropes were used as slats and had to be tied tight. Mattresses stuffed with hay often contained bugs. Some of my siblings and I started getting itchy mosquito type bites. It was discovered that "bedbugs" got in the mattresses. They were not stuffed with straw. New York city often has outbreaks of these critters.

6. "You know what thought did." A brother and sister were in on what this meant. They said it had to do with a joke but refused to tell me the joke. To this day I do not know what thought did.

7. "If your friends jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you do that too?" I think every mother said that.

8. "You'll get your reward in heaven." I think she made that one up and in my case she did not say it in a kind way.

9. "The words we say are scratches deep upon the surface bare" This is from a poem that continues:

"We can remove the varnish, but the markings are still there.
Some things there are we cannot mend, Or wrest to former glow;
For once the grain is scored in pain,
The scars will ever show." author unknown

The 9 things I learned from my mother: love, kindness, forgiveness, sharing, compassion, patience, morals, multi-tasking and delegating responsibility. She also taught that "silence is golden" and sometimes things are better left unsaid. Even now she might be horrified that I told the world we once had bedbugs. Thank you Mother for the 9 things I learned from you and oh so much more.