9 Things No One Tells You About Marriage

So you're married (or about to be) and you're getting bombarded with more advice than you can handle. From "wow, marriage is so awesome!" to "I'm telling you - don't do it!" and everything in between, it can be a little bit overwhelming.

I'm not about to say that I have the perfect marriage - far from it. If you know me, you know that I'm the last person you'd want marriage advice from. So I won't give you any. What I will give you, though, is a list of some of the things no one bothered to tell me (and a little bit of insight I've gained along the way).

1. Marriage isn't easy. I'm sure you've heard this, but what you probably haven't heard is this: It doesn't get any easier. It's a lot of work, and sometimes an incredible burden. So before you walk that aisle, be sure to ask yourself if s/he is worth fighting for, for the rest of your life. If s/he is, then here's a little secret: while the work can be demanding and emotionally draining, if you've found the right one, it's totally worth it.

2. Even if you've lived together before the big "I Do's", things do, and ultimately will, change. Suddenly, you can't just bail if you find yourself at the end of your rope. No breakup letter and an empty apartment for you anymore. While marriage is work, a divorce is, too - and maybe it's the simple fact that you know this that makes you start to freak a little bit. So prepare yourself for this, and talk it out with your spouse.

3. If you don't thrive on arguments, then good for you. But if you're someone who runs at the first sign of one, don't bother getting married. You fell in love because of how alike and how different you are. Thus, you won't agree on everything, and there will be times when a disagreement will get heated. Welcome to life ;-)

4. There will be times that you'll go to bed angry. There will be times when you should go to bed angry. Whoever came up with that phrase ("don't go to bed angry") is an idiot. Lack of sleep isn't going to help solve the problem, and a cooling off period is important. You just might find that in the morning, it really doesn't seem as important anymore.

5. As you get older, you change. And guess what? So does your spouse. So there just might be a time when you'll fall out of love. But, if you've done it right... if you've married the right person... then you at least will still have a foundation of friendship. So just wait - you'll fall back in love.

6. Throughout your life together, you will continue to learn something new about your spouse. Sometimes, you are really not going to like what you've learned. Deal with it. This is one of those things about being an adult that just happens. I am not talking about suddenly Mr. Right becomes Mr. Punch-You-In-The-Face - that's not cool and definitely not something to ignore. But when Mr. Right becomes Mr. I-Never-Pick-Up-My-Nasty-Stinky-Socks or Mr. I-Worked-All-Day-So-I Shouldn't-Have-To-Help-You-Clean-Up-The-Milk-Our-Son-Just-Spilled? Well, as annoying and infuriating these things may be, they can most certainly be worked through. (Hint: "working through them" is not synonymous to "throwing shoes at his head" as tempting as it may be)

7. Sometimes, though it may sound just plain wrong, you'll have to schedule some sex time. It sucks, it loses a lot in the romance department, but it can still be salvaged. Sex is important in a relationship. You need it so that you don't feel like you're going to kill someone, and you need it so that you can feel that intimate closeness that you once shared (back before the bills and the kids and the house and the laundry). If life is taking over and you suddenly realize that you have no idea what you look like naked - let alone your spouse - then it's time to schedule some hanky panky. And just to be safe, schedule a rain day, too.

8. Be the kind of couple that you want your kids to become. If you scream and throw things, if you rarely touch or talk, sit back and think... is this what I want for my son/daughter? Is this how I want their marriage to be? Because while kids can most definitely become their own individuals without emulating all that you've done... you are still the prime example and a lot of what you do, how you act, and who you are, becomes planted deep within them.

9. Its so cliché, and therefore incredibly annoying, but communication is everything. But communication doesn't mean being able to talk about the easy stuff - your day, gossip about your friends, what the kids did, where you want to go for Vaca... it's the stuff you tell your best girlfriend or your mom or your therapist. It's the "I felt like shaving my head today and maybe getting a tattoo on my forehead" and instead of laughing or saying something like "Okay, you need some professional help, Brittany Spears" it's them saying "Wow, sounds like you had a rough day. What happened?" and maybe, just maybe, you won't have the best reason, but because you married the right person, you can say, "I really don't know, but I'm just really depressed and feeling a little nutty lately" and then they'll (hopefully) say something to the extent of "Well, I'm here to help you work through that - whatever it takes". You see? Communication is scary and embarrassing and sometimes painful. But it's needed if you want to grow together rather than apart.

And if you keep these things in mind, and if you're willing to do the work, then you'll be happy. Not all the time, not every day, but in general? Your marriage should be pretty damn good - and so totally worth all the effort.