9 Tips to Beat Bedtime Breakdowns

When my oldest, now 8 years old, was about 2 or 3, I remember asking our pediatrician where her "off" button was. He laughed and smiled and said, " If I knew that, I'd be a millionaire and retired right now!"

And if I knew the answer, I would be a better-rested mommy and retired and wealthy as well!

My two kids are as different as night and day. One has always fought sleep with all his might, and the other will fall asleep on the drop of a dime. But the act of FALLING asleep, which causes so many problems for parents worldwide; is a matter of habit. All kids, no matter how difficult they may be, can learn it. They can even learn to STAY asleep!

The single most important thing you can do is to GET IN A ROUTINE for bedtime! All children are different, but they all crave routine! It lets them know what's coming next, in what order, and what time. Here are some ideas to help you on your way to hassle free bedtimes!

1. Quiet Time. At my house, quiet time starts about an hour, hour and a half before bedtime. This means no more cartoons or rambunctious play, its quiet play and books. We have dinner, baths, quiet play, desert, brush teeth, story time then bed. If daddy comes home in the middle of quiet time, encourage him to bond by reading a book rather then tossing them in the air and having a tickle war.

2. Whatever your routine, follow it EVERY night. If you are having a babysitter come to watch the children, make sure you write down what needs to be done when. Your sitter will appreciate it! The children will feel safe and comfortable in their predictable routine as well!

3. Just as adults have a "biological clock" that tells us when to go to bed, so do children. Most toddlers do best with an earlier bedtime - 7pm seems to be the norm in our house. If they stay up later than that, they get their second wind, and falling asleep will be much more difficult. Make sure to dim the lights in the house about an hour before bedtime and keep to slow calm routines. This will help set their clock and tell their bodies its time to rest.

4. COMFORT! When I was younger, my family referred to my bed as my "nest". I still can't sleep in a bed with tucked sheets and starched pillowcases! Give me a rumpled comforter and squished up pillows and I'm a happy girl! Your kids have their own bed preferences too! Some will like hospital corner sheets, others will prefer a messy "nest" as I do. Both of my kids have a nest - and it works for them! Make sure the room is DARK! Especially in the summertime when they will be going to sleep when it is still light outside. If they are scared of the dark, you can have a nightlight or leave the door cracked a bit. I never got in the habit of a nightlight with my kids, and neither has ever wanted one. If they are in diapers, make sure they are dry, and if they are potty trained, make sure the bathroom is the last stop on the way to bed!

5. Many children need a snack before bed to get them through the night, especially if they are in a growth spurt. This is fine, just make sure it is nothing with sugar or anything too interesting, a piece of toast and warm milk will tide them until morning and taste good, but wont be enough to play with or make interesting.

6. Don't take away nap time too soon! Every child is different, but most kids are not ready to give up naps until age three, or even four. Taking away their naps too soon will give them that second wind right at "quiet time" and make it harder to relax and go to sleep!

7. Grandma is right, kids sleep better when they have been playing outside in the fresh air! Make sure they have plenty of it during the day, but not right before bedtime!

8. Many toddlers fall asleep easier if you lay next to them. My daughter did, but my son REFUSES to go to sleep anywhere but is crib or porta crib! Lying next to your child until they fall asleep is an individual call for you as a parent. For some it works, for others, it doesn't. Do what works best in your situation!

9. Cry it out. This is one of the most widely debated practices, and depending on your parenting style will determine whether you do this or not. As always, you have to do what works best for YOU and YOUR CHILD. I personally do let my children cry it out. As long as I know they are safe, dry and have no "issues" going on, I do not have a problem letting them cry themselves to sleep or back to sleep. I have about a 20-minute timeframe that I will let them cry, and they rarely go past 5 or 10 minutes. Again, this is something that you have to decide if it works for your situation. For me, it does; for others it does not. If you try this and it does not seem to help, I would consult a pediatrician to see if there's an underlying cause for their distress (other than simply not wanting to go to sleep).

Within a couple of weeks, and a lot of patience, you will find you once again have your evenings. We love our children more than life itself, but even mom and dad need their own "quiet time"!