A $40.00 Cat Bed, Guinea Pigs and Longevity

What do a cat bed, guinea pigs and longevity have in common? They're all a part of my crazy life. Have you ever spent the night watching stand up on cable? I did this about a week ago. Suddenly, everything in my life felt like a comedy routine. I fell asleep thinking about it, woke up in the morning with it still in my head, hopped in the shower and out popped this little gem. I hope you enjoy this glimpse into my crazy life.

My boyfriend and I recently purchased a $40.00 cat bed. It didn't start out as a cat bed. It started out as a beautiful comforter for our new bedroom. We didn't want to ruin it so we started tossing it on the floor at night and using our old one. We'd just make the bed for pretty during the day. Then we got lazy and stopped making the bed. Of course, anything on the floor belongs to the cat. So now we have a $40.00 cat bed. Needless to say, we don't want it back.

My granddaughters guinea pig died. It wasn't funny at all. In fact, it was very sad. She was miserable and grieving horribly. So, of course, my daughter, in her infinite wisdom, went out and got her another one right away. Now that's a brilliant plan. Let's keep buying guinea pigs so she can re-live this wonderful experience, over and over. I'm looking at the positive side of it, though. It'll be good practice for when I die. You know, first fluffy, then sunshine, then pumpkin, then Grandma. Great, now we have to keep buying guinea pigs just so I can stay alive.

What's the big deal about longevity, anyway? Don't we have enough to worry about? We worry about our jobs, taxes, crime, pollution, loved ones and the list goes on. We're bombarded with articles, TV commercials etc, that tell us to adopt a healthy lifestyle. That's fine for the physically fit. I bet it makes them feel great about their lifestyle choices. What about us fat people? When do we catch a break? Now we have to worry about dying too? Isn't that bad for us? Doesn't worrying cause us to die a slow death? Seems like we have a choice, right? Yup, we can die from fatness or worry. Makes me want to wrap up in my $40.00 cat bed and eat a bag of cookies.

My daughter just lost 130 pounds. It's wonderful, right? No, because now she wants me to do it, too. In fact, she's confident that I can. How do I know? She takes me for walks. She's like my Mom walking service. We'll be walking down the street. She's blocks ahead. I'm huffing and puffing. I'm wearing cement shoes. My heart is pounding. I'm sweating profusely. She's shouting something back at me. What's that? I sounds like, "You can do it Mom!" I'm muttering under my breath. "No, I can't actually. You're going to kill me."

Well, at least they won't have buy any more guinea pigs.

More silliness from this contributor:

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February 6 - Bubble Gum Day - Top Ten Ways to Celebrate

Top Ten Reasons I Don't Write About Celebrities

Source:

Personal Experience