A Big God Loves a Little Me

As I write this, I am coming down from the high of hearing the best news I have heard in a very long time. You know, the kind of news that sets your soul on fire. News about something you have longed for, sacrificed for, worked for, hoped for, believed for but have always had a few fears about it really coming true. But now, at long last, after what seems an eternity, you have the news, it is happening! You almost cannot believe your ears, you have wanted it so long, so badly and it has seemed so impossible at times, that hearing it finally come true feels amazing but nearly unreal. It seems almost to good to be true. But that is precisely the kind of news I received tonight. My fiancée has just told me that her divorce is final and she can pick up the decree in just 3 days. While I know a divorce can be sad, the ending of a dream, the final blow to a relationship hoped for, in this case it is also the start of a relationship dreamed for, longed for, prayed for, for so long.

BIG Problems

Shirley and I have been engaged since we first met in person about 9 months ago. Before that, we had spent about 4 months getting to know each other over the Internet and had fallen in love and become convinced God had guided our paths together. But there were complications, though she had been separated from her husband for a few years, she had never filed for a legal divorce. As we discussed the process for her to get the divorce and immigrate to the US, many apparent roadblocks and complications seemed to arise. She had friends who had used the same attorney, the only one she knew about, and it had taken a year and a half to complete their divorce. Also, she discovered after getting copies of her legal documents, there were several errors in them including 2 different spellings of her name, 2 different birth dates, and 3 different reported birth places across the various documents. It all began to feel so impossible. What we felt, knew in our deepest souls, was a connection guided by heaven, began to feel like a great divine joke. "Give them a taste of the love they have longed for, prayed for, and then make it impossible for them to be together." But through the ups and downs we held on, to each other and to God, praying, hoping, filing papers, paying lawyers, and waiting. Today, I have heard the waiting has an end in sight and I am overwhelmed.

BIGGER GOD

In gratitude, I leave my home to drive to a more secluded place to talk with our Great and Wonderful Creator, to thank Him for His amazing work. We had hoped it would happen in 9 months, prayed for even less, but knew the experience of others and the waiting, the uncertainty, the loneliness was at times almost unbearable. But tonight, I find out, the waiting has been greatly shortened. This HUGE step was completed much quicker than we had expected, and I know, God has worked for us. The creator of the universe has moved the universe for me, for her, for us.

BIG Amazement

As I look up into the clear night sky with so many stars it seems almost blanketed, I am overwhelmed. The Great Creator of all that, of all that is, was, or ever will be, has taken time to change circumstances for me. Me, little me. I have no delusions about my importance in the scheme of human things. I am just this side of being an entire nobody. No high-ranking government officials know my name. No millionaires court my investments. No captains of industry seek my wisdom or advice. At this moment I live in a travel trailer in a space generously and freely loaned to me by relatives of a friend. I drive a truck with a bashed in rear fender, where the tread of a used tire made it's final imprint. I, like the anonymous masses, work for a paycheck, and am working my way more slowly than I like toward paying off my debts. I am a nobody special in unremarkable circumstances but the Great Creator has chosen to use His mighty power for me! He not only listened to my agonizing prayers for someone to love and love me but has actively used his influence to bring about our union despite circumstances beyond our control. The Great God of the universe, the being whose simple words can bring galaxies into being, whose declaration raises and destroys entire nations, whose touch brings immortal life, whose strength has conquered death itself, listened to my solitary lonely heart and acted for me!!!!!!!!!!

Who am I that He should pay any attention to me? But seeing this latest amazing example of his great love, I must conclude, it is true. God loves me!!! His word has stated it. It claims He, the master of the universe died for me! But sometimes it is just a book with stories. Stories I hope are true, stories I think are true, but I sometimes wonder is it really true for me, little nobody me? Today, God has given his latest and greatest confirmation. To Him I do count, I do matter, what hurts me, hurts Him. Out of all the things He must do to keep the entire universe spinning in perfect order, he has taken time to hear the agonizing lonely pain of my heart, and has responded, to me!!!

"Thank you" is such a pitiful response. "I love you" such a tiny gift despite the genuine sincerity. "I surrender all I am to you" is such an insignificant thing even if I could actually keep the promise, compared to all God is and is giving to me.

I am humbled and exalted, overwhelmed by my insignificance and amazed by the value He gives me! I am truly just a man, knowing I have been made a prince of heaven! Not for any great qualities or accomplishments I have but because He who is all, has given all, for me! Oh the amazing, incredible, wonderful wonder of it all!!!