A Birth Story

I still believe the stories of joyful, natural, unmedicated births. I still believe that childbirth can be pleasant and enjoyable, even orgasmic. I believe that an easy and comfortable birth is possible but I'm not sure it's possible for me. Despite my good intentions, the births of my children were far from easy. My experiences involved pain, drugs, and this last time birth by surgical means.

I never wanted a hospital birth. As far as I'm concerned the hospital is for special cases -- not normal births. My ideal was natural childbirth with as few interventions as possible.

Both of my children were born at the same hospital about 14 months apart. The first time around, I prepared to do it unmedicated. I had a birth plan and everything on it turned out to be the exact opposite of what happened. With my second child, I didn't want to bother with having to fight do it my way (it saddens me to write that) and I was more open to the possibility of drugs and immobility. To this day, I still wonder if either of my births could have turned out better in a different birth setting, but above all I am thankful for the two healthy babies I gave birth to.

I started having pre-labor contractions early in the morning. I had a 2:30 appointment scheduled for that afternoon and contractions were getting stronger as the day went on. I was excited about the contractions starting and I expected to already be in labor when it was time for my appointment. I actually wanted the baby to be born that day because it was August 8, 2008 and my baby would have had an 8-8-8 birthday. At the appointment the midwife checked my cervix and I was at 2 cm. After being checked the contractions really started picking up.

Labor went on throughout the rest of the day and night. For some time after my appointment the contractions were bearable. I was able to laugh, talk, and walk through them while listening to birthing affirmations and scripts. I was still expecting an easy and comfortable birth and I didn't want to go to the hospital until it was absolutely necessary. I wanted to walk, move, and eat as I pleased. By nighttime I was tired and contractions started to be painful. I took a nap and woke up to terrible pain. I noticed the pain was much worse while I was lying down. I was supposed to wait until contractions were five minutes apart and lasting for a minute before calling the hospital. After laboring all day, they never got closer than eight minutes apart. I decided to go to the hospital anyway to get something for the pain.

After signing some admission paperwork, I was given a gown and put on a monitor. With the first contraction that the monitor picked up the nurse ran into the room. The baby's heart rate dropped. She had me change positions and I stayed on the monitor for about 15 minutes. Soon the midwife came into the room and after reading the strip informed me that I wasn't in labor at all. This annoyed me because I know for a fact I had been in LABOR for hours. The midwife asked if I wanted to be checked for cervical dilation even though she had already decided I wasn't in active labor. She was ready to send me home. I knew the only way I would be admitted was if I was dilated to at least three cm. Thankfully, I had progressed enough to be admitted to the hospital. At that point I figured, I'd get an epidural as soon as possible and the rest of my labor could be easy and relatively painless.

Once I got into my labor and delivery room I was given penicillin and had my blood drawn. I knew ahead of time that I would have antibiotics but I had no idea that it would burn my veins as it passed through. More pain on top of my contractions was not welcomed. The blood work had to come back before I could get the epidural and contractions while lying in the hospital bed were unbearable. I couldn't move because I was strapped to the monitor and IV. I was given some narcotic to take the edge off. That was fine while it lasted but it didn't last nearly long enough. The pain brought me to tears and I ended up having another dose before my epidural was put in place.

My plan of getting an epidural and then coasting through my labor and delivery didn't pan out. We were having a major complication with this birth. Every time I had a contraction the baby's heart rate would drop. The doctor convinced me that baby had to get an internal monitor placed in his head and this was the first of a string of disappointing events.

They continued to monitor his heart-rate during the contractions and it continued to drop. The doctor mentioned the possibility of a c-section and I was instantly brought to tears. I felt guilty. I thought that the labor was stalled and his heart rate was dropping because of all the drugs I'd taken (it wasn't until after my son was born that I remembered his heart rate dropped before I had any drugs). I continued to labor hoping that I would progress and be able to push this baby out.

My water eventually broke and that didn't help with the baby's distress. As an effort to avoid a c-section, the doctor tried putting water back into my uterus to give the baby some cushion. At this point I was only dilated to 7cm and I had ran out of options. I wasn't progressing and I couldn't take Pitocin to intensify my contractions because as it was the baby was already in distress. The next contraction came and my baby's heart slowed to a dangerous pace. There was no choice but to do an emergency c-section.

The c-section happened in a whirlwind. I was terrified and I cried the entire time. When my son was born (at 11:38 A.M., August, 9, 2008), I heard him cry but I didn't get to see him. I believe he went to the nursery while I was being sewn up. After the surgery I was drugged out of my mind and I started getting hysterical. I felt like I couldn't breathe and I couldn't remember how to speak. For a moment I thought I was dying.

I regret that due to the c-section I missed the opportunity to bond with my son directly after his birth. What was worse was having to give him up to the nursery because of jaundice. Knowing that my baby was masked and uncovered most of the day broke my heart. It was even worse having to leave the hospital without him. My son was a very cranky and needy newborn and I truly believe that his traumatic birth and lack of security afterward contributed to this. It has taken time to make up for that bonding time we missed.

Ironically, all I ever wanted was a low-tech birthing experience but I have had to consider that all of the medical interventions may have saved my baby's life. I am admittedly disappointed in the way things turned out, but in the end I had a beautiful and healthy baby. I am grateful for that and I really can't ask for anything more.