A Chase Study on Dating

My friend Chase is a shy woman. She never knows the right thing to say to men. I always try to convince her that it doesn't matter, she is beautiful, but she still allows herself to fade into the background even when she thinks a guy is really cute. Fed up with her habit of passing up potential love interests and exciting experiences, I proposed a challenge. Whenever we go to a club, lounge or party she must get three more phone numbers than me. If we're out at the mall or just shopping around, if she thinks someone is good looking she must give him her number if I give my approval. The goal is to have her interact with as many men as possible to get her accustomed to it, and to increase the probability of finding somebody worth her time. The good part for her: if I don't get any numbers she only has to get three. The bad news for her: if I get even one number, she's got to work the room.

The Supper Club:

Saturday night at the Supper Club is pretty popular. Any woman who likes hip-hop, reggae, R&B and "Caramel" and "Chocolate" brothers would be like a little girl in a candy store (and we're talking a store equipped with those penny fruit tootsie rolls and everything). As we walked up to the line we could see the endless sea of men (very few women to our surprise), well dressed, and ready to drink and party. The bouncers outside were making sure the crowd stayed chic by weeding out the crowd of men wearing undesirable clothes, and this was not limited to just sneakers, hats, jerseys and t-shirts. The night seemed promising from the door. Number count for me: zero. Number count for Chase: 2. She almost made the mark but failed to grab an opportunity that presented itself because she spent too much time talking to a guy whose number she'd already gotten the previous night. I was psyched about the quick progress she made. It proved to me that the only thing standing in her way of dating more and being more social is her failure to be more social. As an introvert person she needs that extra push from a friend or wingwoman-someone like me or her cousin Tori, with whom I happen to share a birthday (the personality similarities make more sense now). After getting the numbers she was able to breathe easy for a while; until what comes after the phone number exchange.

The Worst Date in History:

While it may be true for many, even most women, it isn't true for all that talking on the phone with a potential lover is one of the most enjoyable pre-date activities. Chase isn't really much of a phone person. She'd much rather have a conversation face-to-face, maybe at a quaint café or laid back diner, like in front of the fireplace at The Park on a Tuesday night. So I wasn't surprised when she told me she had a date with Mohawk guy, one of the guys from the club, very soon after they'd met. Combined with the fact that she could hardly understand a word he said (even in person) due to his Caribbean accent, and her hatred of the phone connection, they made a date for the next Saturday night. So I was very surprised when Chase called me that night and made plans to go to Hiro to meet with my brother's friend. Mohawk guy was on his phone for the entire date. He was almost an hour late and when e finally arrived he asked if she would accompany him to run an errand for his cousin. The errand took much longer than anticipated so they only went to have dessert. I couldn't believe we had a half hour long conversation while she sat at a table with him. I told her she could take the next weekend off-she deserved it.

The trendy guy is not gay:

Chase says, "That guy is cute, but he's gay."
I say, "He's not gay. He's just trendy."
"Look at how tight his pants are. I think he's gay."
"No I'm pretty sure he's not. I'm not picking up gay, and you know I get the vibe."
The conversation continues like this for about another three minutes until guy in question turns around and flashes me a smile. We talk with him for the entire walk to Djoniba and she comes up empty. I admitted that we had a great conversation with him and that occasion was one in which it would not have been okay to flirt. Sometimes you just have to enjoy the conversation for what it is-just a conversation. I was disappointed, however, in Chase's failure to recognize a potential month of Saturday night line-ups. Even she had to admit that she's often attracted to gay guys; and now she's writing off guys that she could have a connection with by convincing herself that they are gay based on completely absurd characteristics. Chase's "dar" needs work.

"I Will Have A Date for Valentine's Day!":

I said the best thing to do on Valentine's Day was take a day off from the kids and go to a day spa; manicure, pedicure, facial, Swedish massage and if you're good-bikini wax (hey there's still hope). But Chase vowed to have a date for Valentine's Day. Because it fell on a Tuesday I felt like there was no pressure to have a special someone in your life. Everyone would go to work, maybe have dinner or drinks, then go home and get ready to go to work the next day. The only real reminder that it was Valentine's Day was the people carrying flowers all over town. And the only reason why we noticed the people carrying flowers was because it was Valentine's Day. But Chase vowed to have a date for Valentine's Day. So the week before, we had to go out every night to increase the possibility that she'll meet someone to go out with on the fourteenth. I had hope. She had hope. Marvin and CJ gave up hope when Chase didn't show up Tuesday night at Gonzalez y Gonzalez to have $4 margaritas and make plans to crash a fashion week after party. On February 14 Chase went to work, taught her kids, and went home. I had dinner with Deidre Ann at Coffee Shop, and we all forgot it was Valentine's Day by 6pm.

And the search continues……
We go to parties, clubs, bars, etc and there is always the possibility to meet a beautiful, professional man. So the search goes on. Chase is still looking for someone to play with. She just had a birthday and now feels like a new woman. It is the beginning of the rest of her life and a new search.