A Christian Dating Guide

An old phrase, but each of us has met a girl that fits that description. You know what I mean, beautiful, money, goals-- she's everything you've ever wanted. Only problem is she doesn't want anything to do with you. In fact she doesn't even know you exist. She's in PSY303 and you're stuck in PSY101. So the obvious question is-- HOW DO YOU GET HER TO NOTICE YOU?! It's simple... You have to learn to treat a girl-- not just that girl, ALL girls! It's time to step up 'fellas'. It's not about trying to seduce her, or convince her to giving you her number; it's about showing her you are worthwhile. Trust me she won't even want to talk to you, if she can't see herself being with you. You have to learn how to give her a glimmer of what could be. In this case: you.

But before we can even hope to learn to treat a girl, we need to shatter some popular myths of the female gender in regards to dating. And before we can do that, we need to cover the differences between men and women (more than just the obvious). Let me give a disclaimer here: This is not and should not be read a checklist for dating or ever worse as a way to get in a girl's pants. Any man can do that. Be a real man, stay out of her pants until you get married.

THE FACTS
Penis vs. Vagina
Men have a penis, women have breasts and a vagina-obvious differences, but necessary to explain. You might be surprised at the number of guys who are going to read this and be surprised. DON'T SKIP OVER THIS. Who knows, maybe you'll learn something. In order for a man to become aroused he must visually or physically stimulated. In order for a woman to become aroused she must visually, physically, or emotionally stimulated. Thus we have discovered the real difference between men and women. It's not what does or doesn't hang between our legs-it's in our thought processes.

There are approx. 10 main components of the penis. There are 16 for the vagina. We've just discovered the second difference: Women are more complicated than men. Just because they are more complicated, it doesn't mean they are impossible to understand. It just means you have to pay more attention.

The third lesson we can learn from anatomy is to not be concerned with it. If you have ever heard the phrase "my eyes are up here", then this is for you. DD. A. It doesn't matter. Her breast size is irrelevant. Did you know that all women hate their breasts? It's true. Some think they are too big, and no one will take them seriously, others think they are too small and no one notices them. Guys stop putting so much pressure on the ladies. Look them in the eye when they are talking. And even more so, don't let your eyes drift when you are talking to them. Nothing will make her more upset, than trying to hold a conversation with you, while you take a gander at someone's goods.

THE MYTHS
Someone to cook and clean
Having lived in male dominated society for centuries, it is no surprise that men still hold the mentality that a woman should stay home to cook, clean, and raise babies. There are two things you should know about this: 1) Some women do want to stay home, raise your children, cook and clean for you. Treasure these women, they becoming few and far between. 2) Some don't. And that's okay.

Dating Tip: Get into HER apartment to cook for her and her roommates/friends. And then clean up (A major plus).

The "Bad Boy" myth
He has a motorcycle, a leather jacket, and lives for thrills-he's the ideal man, right? WRONG! Here's the truth: A lot of girls, not all, go through a "bad boy" phase-and that's just what it is, a phase. Let it pass. Eventually she will realize that that lifestyle will end with a middle-aged bald man who still re-lives his glory days at the local bar. Don't fret about it. It's not the guy she is looking at; it's the idea of him. You CAN be dangerous, but not in the way she expects. What qualities does the "Bad Boy" have? He's spontaneous, daring, and a complete jerk. Obviously we can eliminate one of those. Be spontaneous, not random-spontaneous. Skip class with her. Make her breakfast the morning of finals. You don't have to think, it's already inside of you. It's the huntsman inside you-go with it.

Dating Tip: Surprise her as often as possible, and never stop.

It's not about Movie Magic
If everything worked out like the movies, we all know life would be different. We wish it were, because then all of our cheesy lines and ridiculous moves would actually work. Despite popular belief, Joey Tribbiani's line of "How you doin'?" doesn't really work. But the thing we can learn from the movies is this: Most every female in the world wants to be that girl in the movie. She also wants to sit at home in her un-speakables eating ice cream and pizza. Which should tell you the second part to this myth: Girls want to be the girl on screen with the guy that doesn't care that she's not the girl on screen. That it is okay not to have the "perfect" body. That she can be a size 8 instead of 0, and you will still care for her the same.

"Chick flicks" while harmless in nature, have built a false barrier between men and women. It's so high that we aren't even aware that it's a wall anymore. Allow me to begin to knock it down. Why don't men like to watch "chick flicks"? I think many of you would agree, aside from some cheesy one-liners, that such movies begin to create an idea of man that we aren't-it makes us aware of our flaws. And no one likes to be told that they have flaws. You see the actor in his perfect world with his perfect job and perfect life-and you wonder how the heck am I supposed to live up to so such an impossible standard. The truth-you don't.

Dating Tip: You have to be Clark Gable in a Titanic society. The boat is sinking and you are the only one that can save her.

Rippling Biceps and Washboard Stomachs
You probably don't have them, and she probably doesn't care. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt to look like an oiled machine, but a girl should NEVER be the reason you spend 6 days at the gym. Do it for yourself. Have you ever walked down the street and wondered, "What's she doing with him?" The answer: She likes him. She can't explain it; everything inside of her says no, but she will stay with him forever. So don't waste your time at the gym. If you go because you enjoy the workout-awesome, otherwise steer clear. You should never have to spend hours at the gym every week just to get a girl. By the same token, you should expect her to be up at 5 am every morning to go for a 6 mile run.

Dating Tip: Spending every day at the gym won't get you the girl of your dreams, because if it did, every Hollywood actor would get married and stay married. Spend time on things that really matter.

CHANGING OUR THOUGHT PATTERN
Before you can even hope to understand how a girl thinks, we have to understand how we think. And then change it. Face it guys, most of us need to change our mentalities about women.

Self-Image
The first thing we have to change is how we see ourselves. Whoever said misery loves company was an idiot. No one likes to be around negative people. No one! And we wonder why girls always talk about how fat they are, or how beautiful she is. You are the leader-LEAD! Show her how it's done. You don't have to be a jerk, but you do need to be confident. Dress better, not different-better. Here's a big one-SHOWER! It's amazing what a little Axe body spray and a LOT of soap can do for a man. Don't come to the table not knowing your life goals, I guarantee that she has thought about hers. Even if its just I want to finish school and get a good job doing something I love-be a Goal Setter.

Let's recap: Be a leader and Shower. That seems pretty simple to me. You will find that in life you can do anything when you learn to carry yourself with self-respect. You will get that grade. You will get that job. You will get that girl. I cannot express how important it is to hold yourself in high regard.

Dating Tip: First impressions are everything, and you might not get another chance.

Honesty
Be honest, which is another way of saying: be yourself. Don't EVER lie to her. And if you already have-own up to it. Eventually she will find out. She may already know. More than lying, she needs to know that you will always be truthful with her. Webster dictionary links honesty and honor as synonyms. When you treat her with honesty, you treat her with honor. When you honor her, you will never have to worry about what the next move will be, or what she is thinking. When you honor all women, you set a standard for other men. Some would tell you that that is an unfair standard, but that comes from men who are unwilling to uphold that standard-in a word, lazy.

Dating Tip: Never Lie. Never.

The Huntsman
Ever man wants to be the knight and every woman wants to him to be the hero. If you've never read John Eldridge's book, "Wild at Heart", I'd recommend it. You will learn a lot. There is an innate desire in every man to climb the castle wall, slay the dragon, and rescue his princess. And that is exactly as she should be regarded, as a princess. Most guys are probably going to roll their eyes at that one. But remember you're reading this-maybe you should change your thinking-or you could stay single, your choice.

I thank God that my fiancé' allowed me to be the pursuer in our relationship. Think of dating like a constant hunt. You are always looking for that prize game, but while that may be the goal it's the hunt that ignites passion. When you go hunting there is much preparation. In some cases you have to get a special permit. (In my case, her father's permission.) Learning to track her. How she moves. How she thinks. How she does everything. Watch her, but not in the creepy stalker way. Talk to her and her friends. If you do this, you will be able to predict her every thought and need-and thus meet it. And when you finally catch her, never let her go.

Dating Tip: Be the pursuer in the relationship. If you want to date her, DATE HER; don't let a dragon, castle wall, or impossible odds stop you.

Learning to Listen
I have never understood, why more guys don't listen. It's one of the easiest things in the world. Most guys will complain that their girl never knows what she wants or where she wants to go. First: Be a leader, we already covered that. The other thing we have to do is learn to listen. Every woman will tell you what she wants you just have to learn how to listen. And you will have to learn. It was something that I believe we knew how to do long ago, but is now lost in the past. Take notes, not literally with a pen, but mental notes. My friend Clay and I used to drive around town while we were hanging out and see a random place that we knew his girl (my best friend) would like. He would make a mental note. A place when she was feeling indecisive, that he could take her. You just have to think.

Dating Tip: Learn to listen.

Gifts
No you're not in trouble, so let we can rule out your standard "I'm sorry" roses. This may seem like a foreign concept to many guys, but buying gifts when it's not her birthday, your anniversary, or any special day for her IS GOOD! Amaze her, when you surprise her with new clothes, or flowers and jewelry for no reason. Donald Whitney gives an amazing example of what it is to give a girl flowers. He can do it because she expects it or he can do it because she deserves it and he wants to honor that. Which is better obligation or honor? Don't think to hard, it's honor. Go big!

Dating Tip: Don't wait for a reason to get her something, just do it.

CHANGING HER THOUGHT PATTERN
I'm sorry to say this guys, but everything in this article won't help you, until her mentality changes. You see the entire female race is scared by centuries of detrimental behavior by men. They no longer believe in letting a man take care of them. Which includes paying for dinner, opening their door, and a variety of chivalrous ideals. She has been "trained" to react negatively to these kinds of gestures. You have to change her mentality-the way she thinks.

Okay...but how?!
Again I hate to tell you this because it seems such an annoyance, but it's important that I let you know the truth here as much as I have elsewhere. Changing her mindset may be near impossible. I didn't say impossible, but very close. You have to work through her past-every guy that has ever hurt her. They are your judges. She will line you up and compare to every guy in past, including her father. This could be good, but more than likely will be bad. You have to surpass all of those men's failures. Some guys refuse to date a girl with "baggage", but let me be the first to admit as a man I HAVE BAGGAGE. Everyone does. The difference goes back to the beginning. Penis vs. Vagina. It's all in how we process it. She is a complex creature. The how is up to you, you are going to have to be bigger, better, and more aware of your faults than anyone in her past. Which is pretty difficult, considering you probably have no idea what happened in her past. My only advise-be vulnerable. Tell her your struggles. Don't make it long and sad. Just tell her your struggles. She will open up. The only other thing you need is time.

Dating Tip: There is no copy and paste way of dealing with this. I wish there was. But there isn't.

Sex
With American hits like "I'll make love to you" and "Let's get it on", its not surprising how often we think about sex. However, its time to start thinking with a different head and start doing things right; yes I'm talking about abstinence. And just so we are clear oral sex is included. I know that this must be quite the disappointment to many of you (as I'm sure many of you skipped directly to this section). However, don't look at it as something you can't do-look at it as something you are waiting to do. Any man can place his penis in a hole and ejaculate-it's really not that difficult. If it were we would probably have more virgins, because let's face it men-we are just lazy. I can't continue without writing this: I am not a virgin. I would be a real hypocrite if I did. However, I can tell you that I have been dating my fiancé' for over a year, and until a few weeks ago we had never kissed. WOW what an amazing kiss that was. To avoid contradicting myself-it was just like the movies. And if waiting for a kiss feels that good-waiting for sex, not a problem.

Remember it's your job to treat her right, the way she deserves. Do you really think she deserves to have man after man she dates take advantage of her sexually? Because is she does (which in case you were wondering, she doesn't), so does your sister and your mother.

Dating Tip: Wait for sex-at all levels, until you are married.

Maintaining the standard
All of this to say dating isn't an easy task. So as you sit across from that girl in the cafeteria, consider all things before you go up and talk to her-which you should. Keep in mind that you are not just hooking up with some random girl; you can do that downtown for $175/hr. And more than likely you are going to have to compete with every other man in her life, past and present. She may not want to be a treated like a princess. Ever girl IS a princess, they just have different castles, different dragons, and different obstacles. And with those come different articles. I wish I could right a how-to on dating, but no one really can because every girl is different. This is more about bowling with the bumpers up. The more you go bowling, the less you are going to need the bumpers. Use this article more as a bumper. Heck, talk to you lady about it. Have her read it. See what she thinks.

I'm sure all of things in here you may want to fight me on, but that's your choice to stay single. I'm not some fancy psychologist, I just write from what I have experienced. And there is probably a lot more that could be added, but we are men. We just want the bullet points.

Dating tip: Talk to her about EVERYTHING.