A Christian Parent's Guide to Getting Rid of Guilt

If you have kids and struggle with feelings of guilt, you are in good company. As I heard it said recently, "Peanut butter and jelly, shoes and socks, parenting and guilt." They all seem to go together, don't they? Here are some very practical guidelines you can use for eliminating, or at least managing, the guilt in your life.

First, you must determine if your guilt is real or imagined. Genuine guilt comes when you do something wrong. It is a specific action, attitude, thought, etc. which you did that was not just a "bad idea", but sinful. If your guilt is a sort of hazy feeling, or nagging in your mind, but you cannot put a label to what you actually did, it is not real guilt. All of the woulda, coulda shouldas that haunt you, (i.e. "I wish I would have spent more time with my kids." and, "I wish I could have handled my money better." or, "I should have affirmed my kids more...") are unproductive. If you allow these doubts and personal grievances to dominate your thinking, they will cripple the parent you are today. If your guilt is imagined (you have committed no nameable sin) DROP IT. Don't let the devil taunt you with imagined faults, and thus take away your confidence as a parent.

If you determined that your guilt is the result of sin:

1. Confess it. Confess it to yourself and to God. It may even help to say your action out loud. By admitting, "I talked to my child in a degrading way." You can free yourself from the captivity that comes with unconfessed sin. I John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." Take advantage of God's love and mercy. Tell Him that you did wrong and need His forgiveness.

2. Seek restoration. This is perhaps the most difficult step in getting rid of guilt. Go to your child and confess your sin to him or her. By admitting that you have sinned against them and need their forgiveness, you are teaching them that you are not perfect and that everyone fails at times. Tell him why your behavior was wrong and commit to him that you will not do it again. Even give him the freedom to call you on your sin if you commit it again.

3. Forget it. Once you have received forgiveness from God and the person you have sinned against, you must let it go. If you allow yourself to dwell on all of your past failings, you rob yourself of the full, rich forgiveness of God. When He forgives you, He chooses to forget about your sin. You need to do the same.

Guilt will inevitably come with parenthood because we, as parents, are imperfect, sinful people. Most of our guilty feelings can be eliminated by simply determining if our "guilt" is real or imagined. If we are comparing ourselves with other parents and feeling guilty, we are not looking at guilt correctly. The only wrong things we do as a parents are those things we do which violate God's laws. All other bad parenting feelings can be dismissed as peer pressure, improper perspective, or the attack of Satan. If we have truly done something sinful and are now dealing with guilt as a result, we need to take steps to correct the problem by confessing the sin to God, seeking restoration, and letting the matter drop. Handling guilt God's way will boost our confidence as parents and set a positive example for our children.