A Christmas Gift Revenge

It's two weeks from Christmas and all is well
Until the phone rings, it's my in law from hell.

She asks what we want for Christmas this year
Now Horrid flash backs begin to appear

I cringed as I thought of the cowgirl boots from 04
The embarrassment, the confusion, oh God there's more

Hidden so well under the boots
Was a box of hair color for my roots

I turned to my husband and mouthed WTF
Was she insane Or just my bad luck

The following year prove just as bad
Hubby got underwear done up in Plaid

His face turned red as he started to grin
They all looked at me, it's my turn again :(

A bright green sweater with bells on the cuffs
Ugh! I held my tongue and hid my disgust

This woman needs help ,she's out of her mind
Where was the gift card we asked for this time

Was she just trying to play with our heads
Or are her intentions simply misread

The following year prove us true
When hubby got generic coffee that blew

I started to panic when my turn came
Was it a gift card or something lame

Oh Hell no, a blue and gold USED old lady nightgown ,that made me roar
Could it of been from her own drawer

I heard some rustling and looked around
It was my sister in law making sneaky sounds

She tried to hide it but I saw the horror
Her gift of TAMPONS fell on the floor

I tried not to laugh but what can you do
Our gifts were complete and total Poo

We had a good laugh in private of course
I secretly smiled cause hers was worse

She has lots of cash so what's the deal
Where's the normal gifts and the tasty meal

Her house is the one place we all dread going
All we can do is hope she cancels because it's snowing

I don't know what's worse, the fifty dogs that hump your feet
or the endless clutter of trash that stinks

It's 3 hours of sitting in yuck
Followed by gifts that truly SUCK

This year I want to be positive , I don't want to quit
But my head keeps filling with visions of shit

Instead of revenge I could give more hints and just be subtle
but USED lingerie deserves a rebuttal

Instead of the usual gift card she's used too
This year I'm giving her a brush and shampoo

Merry Christmas Everyone :)