A Christmas of Loss

When I was a child we lived in Louisiana on an Air Force base at the time. It was in the sixties to give you an idea of how long ago it was. In the olden days as we used to say.

Our parents bowled at the PX on the base so we always had friends to play with and things to do. There was a basketball court, pool tables, ping pong tables and other games. We were never bored.

One night my brother, sister, two friends and I were playing. I was eleven and the one friend, Benji was 12. The two of us were the oldest and constantly running with the basketball. After awhile he kept complaining about a pain in his right side. We both figured it was just that pain you get at times from running. We would rest awhile and talk then go back to playing. It continued to go on for the couple hours we were there. He was not sick in his stomach. When our parents were done bowling we all went home. Benji still complaining about the pain in his side. I don't even remember if we mentioned it to his parents.

That was the last time I saw Benji. That night his appendix burst. He was rushed to the hospital but died a few days later from the infection. All I remember hearing before he had died was about the appendix and he could not keep food down. Next thing I knew he was gone.

That was my very first experience with death of someone close to me. It was also about a week before Christmas and I just had this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach which seemed to last forever.

I remember my father taking us to see Santa trying to cheer me up. I remember music playing and always feeling sad. I could not enjoy that Christmas without the sadness and crying. I would talk to God and ask all the many normal questions but it took quite awhile for me to deal with.

It was hard for me to be around his parents and sister. If anyone would talk about him it was all I could do to hold together. I just felt so awful about the whole situation and the fact that someone was dead and gone forever.
Why would God take someone that was only 12 years old? I guess at that age you don't really think about it until you are faced with it.

For me every Christmas now is good but there is always that little sad feeling with me. I used to be upset about that but now I believe it is God's way to help me remember Benji whose life was cut so short.

So during Christmas when I get that feeling I always think of Benji and thank God for the chance to have known him. He was a good friend who is now with God where I will one day run with him again.