A Closer Look at the Notion of Regret

Regret should be tackled by us on a larger scale as it is emotionally maladaptive, breeds resentment against objects in the present and future, and is not really defensible as a concept. Regret is more of an ideology than a genuine powerful state like laughter, sorrow, and anger.

Our biologically adaptive desire, to expand influence over the environment, often wants to go back in time to change actions done in the past. We feel strange displeasure with the consequences of behavior performed by the younger organism that had less information available to it. The fact that the past is immovable, is a particular challenge to our egos. That need not be the case if we agree that we evolve and change as individuals. The "I" (whatever one thinks it consists of) of the past, will always be more different the further back we go. It's unfair to ourselves to take responsibility for its behavior and thought processes.

It's more clear to say that "the organism that evolved into my present form has done what he/she has been compelled to do by its internal and external environment and consciously justified it as being the best thing at the time."

The cells in our bodies constantly get replaced by new ones, gradually cloning us again and again with time. While in us, the cells themselves partially are cloned through replacement of molecules within them. That's not mentioning the mental evolution that has occurred with the shaping of our personalities. Obviously, the distance in time to the regrettable act is key. If one goes back in time enough, the acts have been done by practical strangers and not ourselves. Wishing that a stranger had acted differently is unfair to the stranger. However, an act of a few minutes ago is much harder to contain in this manner. Healthy affirmation of past action as having been the only one possible needs to be embraced as a lifestyle and internalized.

It would be helpful, if instead of referring to ourselves in the past or future as "I", we had either a different vocabulary or at least different notions about the three entities. Just as it is silly to take responsibility for a younger stranger, it's also as silly to think a future stranger will do what we want to do right now. Perhaps new pronouns are needed for a "future I" and a "past I". If that sounds too clumsy and artificial, then at least being always aware of the difference will liberate us from attempts by our ego to create indefensible connections.

Tackling regret becomes a matter of affirming the past alongside understanding that we can't be guilty or responsible for what our previous biological versions had done. We don't like to speculate on alternate history of countries and societies much (should America have done this or that decades ago) because perhaps things could have gone badly for a country in the present. Even if not badly, then the present society would have been radically changed into a form that is not recognizable by us or a form without us in it. We collectively affirm international history as a world that could not have been any other way. It's futile speculation to get into macro level alternate history. Similarly, we should affirm, accept, and embrace our individual micro history wholeheartedly. Looking back with thoughts of control, choosing wisely, or revenge, is a form of desire to die as it is wanting to be somebody shaped much differently.

As for near past regret of badly messing up a few hours ago, a good solution is to cheerfully embrace lack of free will. It doesn't change anything at all if we have a conception of ourselves as a puppet constantly being compelled to various action from an an interplay of our neural network reacting to environment.