A Closer Look at the Reasons for the High American Divorce Rate

According to several divorce websites, the current divorce rate for first-time marriages in the United States of America is 50%. The rates for second and third marriages are even higher. The U.S. tops a long list of nations in our rate of divorce. Why is this? Why are not Americans more committed to their marriages? I believe there are several reasons for the current trend:

1. Abuse and affairs. These are the most obvious and justifiable reasons for divorce. Certainly, no woman or man should stay with someone who is physically or emotionally abusing them. Also, it is understandable that someone would not choose to be with a spouse who has had or is having an affair.

2. Lack of commitment. I believe this is the major American reason for getting divorced. U.S. couples stand before the minister, rabbi, or justice of the peace and often repeat the words "till death do us part", but rarely do they really consider the implications of this promise. Couples of past generations seem to have understood commitment so much better. I am always amazed when I read the stories of World War II brides who married after knowing their fianc� for only a few days, weeks, or months-then went on to spend fifty or more years together. It couldn't have all been a "bed of roses"-learning to live with someone they hardly knew, yet they made it work. These couples understood commitment.

3. A misunderstanding of "love". Unfortunately, Americans base their views on what love is primarily from what they see in the movies or on television, or read in a novel. Love according to these sources is that special, heart-throbbing feeling that you get from just seeing someone or hearing their voice. Almost every couple will experience these feelings, especially when they are first dating. For many U.S. couples, when the "feelings" fade away and the reality of actually living with and being committed to someone with all their faults and failures sinks in, that's when the marriage dies. The individuals move on to the next "exciting" person who comes along, until they "feel" like they are "in love" again-after all, isn't that how our society portrays love? Love is so much more than feelings; it grows into something that is steadfast, deep, and abiding rather than shallow.

4. An inability to work through difficulties. When the going gets tough, Americans tend to quit. Finances get tight sometimes. Unplanned children are born. Planned children put unexpected stress on a marriage. It is easier to just walk away than to work through the problems.

In no way is this a conclusive list of the reasons for the extremely high divorce rate our country faces. Our challenge is to identify the causes and work to strengthen couples and families.