A Clubbing

"Is this seat taken? Can I buy you a drink? Or, would you like to dance?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Those are the top three ice breakers. I wasn't sure which to use so I figured why not all three and make crushed ice." He winks at her and smiles half way.

"Now we're flailing in the frigid waters of an uncomfortable situation. Thanks. Let me help us out. No, the seat is not taken. If you'd like to take it to your table, feel free. Yes I'm sure you could afford to buy me a drink but why waste your money and my time? No I would not like to dance. This is a sports bar. I don't think the intermittent ten seconds of Jock Jams between icing calls constitutes dance music."

"Wow." He runs his hand through his shoulder length hair. "I guess that settles it then."

"I'm sorry you won't win your bet or dare or whatever it is you guys have going." She waggles her fingers in the direction he came from.

He looks back at his friends. "That's pretty presumptuous. What if I already won? That's why I'm here talking to you and they're over there keeping each other company."

"You and your friends are 10 club members who "date" (she makes air quotes) zero club members. I belong to the 100 club."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I've seen you and your friends around. You're tens; good looking, gainfully employed, never married, gym members, mid-thirties; the most desirable kind of men. You "date" (air quotes again) members of the zero club. Size zero. Zero inhibitions. Zero ex-husbands. Zero kids. Zero commitment.

I am part of the 100 club. I have 100 things to do in a day. In 100 days I have 100 minutes to myself. I do 100 loads of my kid's laundry a week. I rack up a whopping 100 hours of sleep a month. Men from the 10 club who date girls from the zero club are not interested in a woman from the 100 club."

"Well from over there at the table 10 we thought the 100 on the bar stool was making the grade. It's too bad her bitter personality and self-deprecating makes an otherwise attractive package undesirable. Have a nice evening." He backs away tipping his beer in her direction.