A Confident Person's Guide to Developing an Assertive Attitude

A positive attitude is an assertive attitude. It displays your self-confidence. But how do you get it and show it?

From time-to-time everyone waffles a bit about a given subject or action. No one should be so completely sure of themselves all the time that they constantly act with certainty and authority. But what about those people that are rarely, if ever, able to express clearly, and act on, their preferences? If you fall into this category, read on for a few simple tips to help change your assertiveness.

Confront a perceived problem earlier rather than later. The sooner you assert yourself the sooner the problem lies behind you. Small misunderstandings have become marriage failures if left unaddressed too long.

Assertive means determined but it does not have to be rude. Explaining your position in polite terms does not diminish your position. If your point is valid, that validity will show through without resorting to discourteous means to get it across. Pointing out your teams superior statistics, however irrefutable they may be, will only cause tempers to flare if displayed in a condescending manner.

A free and honest expression of your ideas or feelings is best. As long as your statement is not offered crudely, there is no need to feel guilt if the recipient takes offense. They too are entitled to their own positions. As you assert yours remember can't always convince the other person, no matter how right you assume you are. If you are a meat eater for example, you will likely never turn a vegetarian into one; but there's no reason to feel guilty about the creature that had to die so you could live.

To be assertive is to be sometimes spontaneous. It is rarely a static process. Your method of asserting yourself today and tomorrow may be different. Don't look for a magic solution. There isn't a fixed set of rules. You may even surprise yourself. Keep track of your words and actions, and their affect on others. Write it down if you have to but watch and learn from your own behavior. Conversations with your mother and your daughter about the same subject are likely to be displayed in very different forms.

You can be assertive even if you are normally shy. The desire to stay to yourself as much as possible and your need to make a certain point are not mutually exclusive. Assertiveness is often accompanied by forceful behavior but it doesn't have to be.