A Couple of Things that Should Be Outlawed, Right Now!

As my regular readers know by now, I have an opinion about everything. Name the subject, and even though I have no idea what I'm talking about, I still give my opinion with everything I got. And what I don't know yet, I Google. And so I came up with the subject of things that should be outlawed, because I don't like them.

1. Camper vans. Although these can go well over 5 miles Ph , drivers of these vehicles are in such a relaxed state that, although the road sign says 50, they still manage to crawl. People in camper vans think that all of us are in vacation mood, just because they are. I have other important things to do than drive behind these snails. Camper vans should be on the moon, where they can crawl.

2.Rising grocery prices. Is anyone in charge of this? Or are supermarkets doing their own thing here? Do they throw price tags in a big basket every morning, toss them around and dispense of them on a "whatever" basis? This casual approach must stop, or else I'll start growing my own tomatoes.

3. Reality series. Put a bunch of extroverts on a remote island in the middle of nowhere, promise them some money and let them nearly kill each other. Who dreamed this up? Aren't we getting sick and tired of watching mud-covered people dining on food they would hastily decline in a restaurant? Another one that should really be outlawed is all that so-called spouse-swapping. These folks will need severe counseling for the rest of their lives after the show ended. And while I am at it, Newsprogrammes. Why would we be interested in becoming even more depressed than we already are? Personally I have a suspicion that large pharmaceutical companies are behind it, so they can sell us more Prozac, and the like, to make us a bit more cheerful again. Depressing news on TV should be outlawed! Show me some funny monkeys and I'll be watching again.

4. Plastic grocery bags. Every week it's the same: after I've done my grocery shopping, all the catfood cans drop right through the bags on my toes. After a full week of recovering from this injury, which involves total rest, feet propped up and toes in bandages,and playing on the computer to calm my rattled nerves, it happens again. What I don't understand is that by now there are condo's on Mars, but nobody can make me a decent plastic bag.

5. Computers. I wouldn't outlaw computers per se, (I have grown to love mine)but they should be simpler to operate for idiots like myself. Since computer programmers have come up with something excruciating difficult, it must be possible to design something simple. They just have to find their old notes back from the eighties.

6. Vacuum cleaner bags. While you are about to make the house cleaner, lifting the old bag out will leave you covered in dust and the floor too. Best to outlaw vacuum cleaners altogether.

7.Tiny dogs. These I cannot deal with. I never approach a tiny dog the same way I approach a large one. My first problem is that I can hear them, but cannot see them and that freaks me out. So after tripping over them, to which they do not take kindly,they bite my ankles and hang on for dear life. Then, after removing them their rather large egos step in. Teeth showing, and clearly copying Dobermans. There should be a standard size for all dogs, at least as big as a Saint Bernard, so that I can see them coming from a long distance away.

8.Automated voices.These must be outlawed immediately. Especially phone companies are guilty of this. First they give you a free number to ring if you have a problem, then there's nobody at home. "dial 1 for.., dial 2 for.. etc. You punch all the numbers, asterisks and other buttons only to find yourself at 1 again, without having talked to anyone. By now only my own answering machine is talking to automated voices.

9. Hand held can openers. These are a pain in the neck and have been for decades. Opening a can of spaghetti is not worth it if you end up in the Emergency Room of a hospital with bloodied hands. Outlaw them.

10. Garments that need ironing, and other difficult fabrics. What do manufacturers think we are? I want every fabric wash and wear, without ironing. Also: no more hand wash, dry cleaning only and all that. We have to simplify things by using only one label: no ironing necessary. I want all other fabrics outlawed.

11. Small cars with tall people in them and big cars with small people in them. These folks have no understanding of Feng Shui and Balance. Best to outlaw all cars, except medium sized ones. One size fits all, and nobody looks weird.

12. Writers who think they know everything, but don't really, should be outlawed right now. Oh, hold on.....