A Dad’s Guide to Helping Kids Adjust when Their Stay-at-Home Mom Going Back to Work

When my wife and I first decided to have children, we thought we could get by with just me working and my wife being a stay-at-home mom. And, for a couple of years at least, that did work. My oldest daughter had my wife home with her until she was about three and my youngest, when she was born, had my wife home with her for almost a year.

However, with both situations, a combination of needing extra money and my wife getting cabin fever led to her eventually going back to work part time. Even though, for the most part, she has managed to work hours that limited the time my kids had to spend with a sitter (which we were fortunate enough to have my parents watch them), there was still quite a bit of an adjustment for both of them since they were so used to having their mom home.

The transition was actually hardest on my oldest daughter since she had my wife home with her for much longer and, in helping her make that transition, I learned a few tricks that made it a whole lot easier when it came to helping her younger sister make that adjustment.

One of the first things I did with both girls was find something that only I would do with them. With my oldest, it ended up being board games and puzzles. My youngest likes watching TV and playing some sports games. And, with both of them, I saved those daddy/daughter things for times when my wife was at work. This gave them something to look forward to so it wasn't just about them wanting mommy to come home.

Another thing I did was give them some more responsibilities around the house. When their mom isn't home, both of my girls (even the 2-year-old) are given a list of chores to help me with. Most of the time, it is picking up their toys. But, I have had my oldest help me make dinner before and my youngest likes unloading the dishwasher. There are two reasons for this. The first is, since I have to pull my weight to keep our house from becoming a total disaster area when both of us are working, it allows me to still spend time with them. Also, I think both girls feel a bit better about themselves knowing they are "helping mommy."

I don't do this as often now that they are getting used to it. But, when my wife first started working again, I ended up taking both of my daughters to see her at work every few days or so. This let them see what exactly where their mom was and what she was doing; making it a little easier for them to understand why she had to leave for a few hours at a time.

I haven't been able to do this with my youngest daughter yet but, with my oldest daughter, I also occasionally take the time to show her what our bills cost or show her a receipt from our recent shopping trip. This, I believe, helped her to understand why her mom needed to go to work to help bring in some extra money. When I do this, it makes it easier to explain how going to work (for both her mom and for me) is a sacrifice we are making for them; and, if given the choice, we would rather stay home.

As I said before, my wife going back to work was definitely a transition. But, by making these steps, it was much easier for the kids to adjust.