A Day in the Life

Every once in a while it seems that the best encouragement I receive along my daily journey is from someone who is willing to be completely honest and open with me about his/her own struggles. On every side I can find someone who appears to have all of the answers and seems to have it all together... and sometimes I leave their presence feeling inadequate and discouraged because I am very aware that I don't. I come to you with a challenge concerning walking with the Lord in close communion through prayer. It is my goal to pass along what God is teaching me and I hope that in doing so He is teaching us together.
This week is one of those times when through the daily journey I'm literally putting one foot in front of the other; trying to live out what I am learning and finding unbelievable moments along the way when I just have to pause and talk to myself and the Lord. Some of what I am saying: "Today is not about you!" "You asked the Lord to give you eternal vision past today!" "Stop and ask Him what to do!" and "Walk with Him. Focus on Him and Trust Him!" "Give it all to Him and lie down and rest!"
I've decided the best way to share with you this week is to allow you to walk with me - a day in the life! Walk with me through Tuesday.
Tuesday morning at 5 am Mason's alarm sounded; rousing me from sleep. Assuming it was 6, I said good morning to the Lord Jesus and jumped into the shower and dressed for the day. Quietly making my way downstairs for my time with the Lord, I wondered why Mason and none of my children were stirring yet. The clock on the den wall gave me the answer. His alarm had not gone off at 6 but at 5! I laughed SLIGHTLY at myself (knowing how much I needed another hour of sleep) and sat down with my Bible to ask the Lord to show me what He had for me. I thought maybe He wanted me to focus more on Him before running the race of the day. I reminded myself that I've been talking to the kids about how He cares about every detail and knows ahead of time what our days hold. I had just told them on Monday that we need to pause and talk to Him every time during the day that the unexpected happens. We need to ask Him before we respond. At about 6:30 I woke up the two children who had to leave with me at 7. I had an early dentist appointment and because we only have the van at this time, Cameron needed to drive me so he could then get Catherine to work on time. Since we have worked so hard to teach responsibility and doing the right thing even when mom isn't watching I was hopeful that the 5 others would wake up and go through the morning routine that we have been teaching; ready for my return around 9:30. As we left around 7, Cat in pjs and with pillow in hand, and Cameron uncharacteristically quiet, I had to laugh! This was not how I had envisioned this morning starting. "Ok, Lord, today is not about me! My ways are not your ways. My plans don't matter. Help me to respond with your love." What I had hoped would be a chatty ride to the dentist was silent. I commented on their silence and Cat smiled at me, while Cameron dozed! I started singing with the radio when I realized that she too had curled up on her pillow and was asleep. So much for quality conversation with two of my teens.
The next long while was spent having my first root canal completed. Yes, I was silently talking to the Lord all through this. Actually, I was quoting scripture in my head. And guess what scripture. Psalm 23. "The Lord is my shepherd... yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death..." Obviously, I was a little nervous. :) As I checked out, the office manager reminded me of my previous balance and I smiled outwardly while setting up a time to come back with more payment. Inside, I groaned at the debt building instead of decreasing as we so carefully plan for over and over. Walking to the van I practiced what I'm learning again. "Lord, you know our needs! Please help me to trust You!"
Finding Cameron dozing again in the driver's seat of the van, I climbed in and we headed for home. One of my weekly planned events is breakfast or lunch with one of my children alone. This week it is Cameron's turn and I had enough money for one meal. I wasn't up to eating but thought I could spend the time with him while he ate, so I asked him if he would like to stop and have his meal with Mom. He shook his head no and I swallowed my disappointment once again. The only thing I knew to do was to pray- again! "Lord, something is wrong with Cameron and he won't talk to me. This is so uncharacteristic of him and I don't know what to do. Should I push? Should I ask questions?" After praying, I asked him if he was ok. He said he thought he was sick. My heart sank. Our 16 year old son is an incredible young man, who goes and goes and gives and gives. He serves in our home, he serves in ministry outside of the home and he serves in the community. Sometimes we need to force him to stop, rest and even eat! Several years ago he came down with a severe case of mono. Spending 6 weeks in bed initially, he was hospitalized several months later when he had a recurring case. In the two years since, the flu has knocked him off of his feet for weeks! So... again, I pause and pray. "Lord, please don't let him get sick again! Please show me how to build his immune system. Strengthen him!"
Well, we arrived home close to 10. A phone call home had revealed earlier that the responsibility we've been striving to teach... well, we're not there yet! Our little one was up, playing Wii, our eight year old was roaming around the house carrying his bowl of cereal and milk and our 12 year old was watching them; literally JUST watching. The 14 year old in charge was still sleeping! as was the 10 year old. With the phone call I had made sure everyone was awake and reminded of what they were supposed to be doing. So, with my arrival I discovered Chris was still playing Wii, Zach was standing in his footie pjs, hair everywhere, grinning at me, Sukie had obviously just crawled out of bed and was looking for her breakfast, Micah had decided it was time for him to eat and Hannah was in the shower. So much for my success in parenting responsibility! Cameron went straight to the couch and was asleep in a matter of a moment, and I gathered the 5 stray chicks around for a "conference." Again, I needed to pause and pray! "Lord, please help me to lovingly train! I'm so frustrated with them right now..."
After our "training moment" which lasted approximately an hour, we prayed together and instructions for the next 30 minutes were given. I ran through putting laundry in, cleaning the kitchen and settled in for a reading lesson with Chris. Having learned last week that he is definitely dyslexic I am changing my daily teaching routine with him again and it is a little overwhelming! As he crawled up into my lap I again just closed my eyes and asked the Lord for wisdom. In the next room I could hear a "heated discussion" between two of the other children concerning who had or had not done their language arts and I asked the Lord for patience before going to them and asking which one was choosing God's way and asking Him before responding. I was hopeful that at least one of them would respond with, "You're right, Mom. I'm sorry," and make it right. Neither did! They both began making excuses for their own side of the argument and I had to remind them again that "life is not about 'me'" and we are to defer to one another. When I asked which one had started their day talking to the Lord and asking Him to control their tongues, etc. both responded sheepishly that they had forgotten. Oh yeah, this was the morning that no one even got up!
So, it is about 11:40 am and I am feeling like a total failure! And it is already time to pick Cat up from work. As I run out the door giving instructions I am reminded that our driveway is two feet deep of solid mud since the thawing of the snow and I grumble inwardly that I am married to a man who works for a paving contractor...:) Again, I need to pause, seek forgiveness and ask the Lord to help me trust Him and to be thankful for all that my husband provides for me! (Are you getting the picture yet? I AM learning to give my days to the Lord early and talk to Him throughout the day; and lots of my praying is confession!) YIKES
As I reached the end of the driveway I was met by a gentleman on a tractor trying to make the drive passable. After thanking him, I silently thanked the Lord that hopefully when I came home I could get up the driveway! Arriving home with Cat a few minutes later I found a seething autistic 6 year old. He had discovered the tractor in the yard and was furious that the non English speaking driver could not understand that he wanted to ride! Getting into the mind of autism is tricky and is an area that I am constantly taking to the Lord in prayer. Getting close enough to talk to our little Chris when he is very angry can be dangerous. As I prayed, I knelt down about 3 feet away from him but in front of him and began to talk. He was so angry that his feet were kicking and his arms flailing, his face was tight and jaws clenched and his eyes were rolled back in his head. As I spoke and prayed I slowly inched closer to him until I could see the muscles in his face beginning to relax. I took his arms and squeezed him gently but firmly until he wasn't fighting anymore and was beginning to gain control of himself. As I spoke he finally made eye contact and his entire body began to relax. He was able to tell me why he was upset and I explained to him why he couldn't ride. All the while I was silently praying for wisdom.
Turning my attention to everyone else and giving instructions for the next school subject and getting Cat on task, I checked on Cameron again, to discover that he was still asleep. By this time I know he is sick and my mind starts racing through what I should do! Check his temp; 100.1. Symptoms; a little congestion, fatigue and slight temp. I pray for wisdom! I wake him enough to tell him that he can just sleep today, we'll make up school tomorrow; offer him drink and leave him alone! Back to the other children and school.
As it nears 2:00 we begin getting everyone ready to leave the house. Basketball practice for one and a game for another will send us on our way around 2:30. Time to pray for wisdom again. What still needs to be done? What takes priority? We lost a couple of valuable hours this morning: what can be done in the van? Every time my mind starts running away with me I just have to stop and pray! "Lord, help me!"
15 minutes before take-off Cameron walks into the den and asks for food. I offer him soup, a sandwich, lasagna. These are the items available in the house. Nothing sounds good to him and he decides he isn't hungry after all. Pray. "OK Lord, I don't want to leave him here for several hours with nothing and no one. What should I do?" I remembered that Josh is coming to town after work. So, I called Josh and asked him if he would do me a favor. "Of course, Momma!" I asked him to come see Cameron after work and bring him some Gatorade and food. We get the order from Cameron and Josh agrees.
As we pile into the van and ipods and earplugs are grabbed instead of books, I quickly remind the children that the ride needs to be productive and not wasted. "Yes, Mom! We know!" They smile, yell to Cameron that they love him and load up. At this point I did need to pause and thank the Lord for the bright spot. They do love each other so much.
On the driveway going out several of the children remind me that we really need to pave this driveway. I pray, needing to respond patiently and tell them that Dad knows it and one day the Lord will provide. As we are driving to Asheville I look in the rearview mirror several times to see the smiling faces of 6 of my precious children. Are they worth this race? Absolutely. Again, I pause to say, "Thank you!"
After dropping Hannah off for practice and reminding Mason to pick her up at 5, I grab my directions to Micah's game in Canton and we're on our way. I realize that in the rush of it all I have totally not planned for supper! Thoughts of failure again enter my mind and I chide myself for not planning my day and working my plan better. After getting temporarily "lost" we find our way to the gym and I realize we have no money to get in the door! Embarrassed, I apologize to the gate keeper promising her payment when my husband arrives later. She laughs and assures me that I am not the first of the evening to have this problem.
As I dropped down onto the bleachers I breathed a sigh thinking I could catch my breath during the game. Looking around I found that our two youngest sons were fascinated with the tip top of the stands and this wouldn't be very relaxing afterall. Chris came down and whispered that I needed to come up top. "It is so frightening!" he said. So I climbed up top and oohed and ahed over how frightening it truly was. As I took my place back where I felt much safer, behind a group of moms, I scanned the crowd to see who I knew. Most of the moms I didn't know. The thought crossed my mind that I should find out who knew something about dyslexia. Strange thought at a ball game, I know, but when things settle down around me I tend to go into "think mode." I silently asked the Lord to direct my conversation and just waited and watched. It was only a couple of minutes before one of the moms turned around and introduced herself. She asked me how long I had been homeschooling and then commented that she needed to be encouraged by a veteran homeschooling mom. She was struggling. We spoke a few minutes and in the course of the conversation I mentioned that I have just learned that our son is dyslexic and I am seeking information. She very quickly told me that she was dyslexic herself and that three of her children are. She shared with me some websites and other very helpful information. WOW! I had just been talking to the Lord about needing to know if any of these ladies knew anything about this subject. What a great reminder that He is listening to those little prayers throughout the day.
As the game took place, I found myself being reminded again that it is not about me, it is not about my son, it is not about what we can see, but it is all about things of much more value! Eternal value! Even sports are character building, heart molding opportunities. Times of sitting and talking to other moms are learning moments, and chances to make a difference in one another's lives. Being competitive by nature I am always having to talk to the Lord during my children's ball games.
Near the end of the game Josh called to ask more about Cameron. He was concerned because when he arrived with the food and drink Cameron seemed disinterested. He seemed very weak and wouldn't touch any of it. I took note in my mind and asked the Lord again for wisdom in knowing what to do.
As the game ended Mason gathered the two little ones and headed home. We were a good hour and a half from home and it was after 6. He realized the supper issue and promised them a very nutritious dollar burger on the way. I smiled and told him Hannah, Micah, Sukie and I would follow after the next game. Some of Hannah's friends were playing. It was about 5 minutes later that we realized that Chris had my phone in his pocket and Mason returned with it in case of an emergency. Just a moment later Josh called to tell me the details of a meeting he had gone to that evening. We have been praying concerning many ministry needs and Josh was so encouraged to have met with a couple who has offered to allow our teen ministry to meet on their property for special occasions, camp outs, etc. The end of that phone call brought me to tears of thankfulness to a God Who has been hearing our prayers and has all things worked out before we ask or think! What an amazing moment in the midst of craziness.
When Cameron called me about 10 minutes later I was stunned to hear his very weak voice as he told me that his arm and leg were numb and his chest hurt. After quickly asking the Lord to take care of him, and calling Josh to go back and stay with him until we could get home, I gathered the children up and we headed home as quickly as we could get there. While I was driving and praying for Cameron, trying not to scare the other children at the same time, my phone again rang and I received word from my mom that my grandmother has advanced cancer. Taking a deep breath I did all that I knew to do! I prayed. So much is going on that I don't understand. So much about life and aging and losing ones that I love that I just hate! "Lord, help me to accept your will and your timing and to trust you!" I so love my sweet grandmother and grandfather and I know in my mind that they will go to live in heaven ahead of me, but I hate the thought of losing them! I love them being here! My heart is breaking!" As I prayed for them, for my mom and fought my own heart feelings I was also wrestling with what in the world could be going on with Cameron. What would make his chest hurt? "Lord, help me trust You! Take care of him!"
As we finally got close to home I learned that Mason had gotten him and headed to the ER. I met him there, picked up our little boys and brought all of the children home. After getting them settled I rushed back to the ER to find them doing an EKG and Chest X-ray. Is there anything worse than the helpless feeling a mother has when she doesn't understand what is happening? Pray! God knows exactly what is going on. He knows every detail of Cameron's system. As the doctor returned with tests results over an hour later I desperately fought emotions of anger as the doctor described a slight abnormality in the electrical current of Cameron's heart, followed by his opinion that this shouldn't be causing any of his current symptoms but we should follow up with his doctor. In my mind I'm looking at the doctor thinking, "You have no explanation for his fever, his chest pain, his numbness in his limbs or his weakness, but you are telling us you don't think it is life threatening, so we should go home and call the doctor in the morning!" I could hear the still, calm voice of the Holy Spirit saying, "Calm down! I know all things. He is in my hands. This doctor is only human. Don't expect more than he can offer." My response. "OK. Help me, Lord!" As we left the hospital I could only pray and ask the Lord to give me the faith to trust Him completely. Yes, I camped out on the couch next to him so I could periodically check during the night, and before it was over there were three of us camped out in the den; besides Cam! As I put my head on a pillow around midnight I prayed back over the events of the day. "Lord, not much about today was according to my plan. Help me to trust You and Your control of every detail and help me to rest so that I am able to serve You and my family tomorrow."
Did I stay awake and pray all night? No, but I did whisper a prayer continually as I napped off and on.
Now it is Wednesday and the race is on! With the new day I'm sure there will be new adventures. I just long to start each day giving my heart, my thoughts, my actions, my responses all to Him. We cannot practically lock ourselves up in a closet and pray our days away, but we can begin and end our days with extended focus on prayer, and we can walk with Him throughout the day; acknowledging His presence, His work and His control over every detail. I heard a Pastor once say that when sin knocks on the door we should ask Christ to answer. How awesome would it be to walk so closely with Him that no matter what the day holds this is our first response. This is my goal and I challenge you to make it yours as well. Let's do this!