A Day in the Life of a Lady

"Lady" is a tall, rather large woman who works in a boutique though she hates the fashion industry. She goes out on dates mostly to get a free meal because she thinks men are stupid (her father being the exception).

Despite having a half-dozen close but quirky friends, she tends to feel alone in the world. Did I mention one of the friends is a retired hustler that runs a diner and the diner always has a profit because the inventory is boosted (stolen)from the neighborhood tele-evangelist? And the "Dr. /Reverend" got it free from the government?

She wants kids so that they can help out around the house because her French bulldog, Steve, can only help her make a mess. Her Persian, Mr. Fluffy, already has enough on his plate being a 24/7 guard cat. Just this year, she's kept two stalkers and one beggar from returning after a date. Even that one cousin "that is close to the stars," yet always comes over to bum a meal or spare change hasn't come around as much.

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Lady woke up to Steve's cold, clammy nose on her cheek. She just twisted until she lay face down and after a minute she jumped up when she felt something warm and wet on her back.

The dog peed in bed.

Thankfully, it only got as far as the top sheet and it was time for them to be washed, anyway. Lady was also happy that she never got into the lingerie thing because she would find a way for the damn dog to replace it.

Also, today was that day of the month to go walking for a half-mile to the laundry. While the bed topping washed, she could see if Dollar Bill Diner could give her a sheet of day-old schoolhouse coffee cake. Then she thought about it, 'Wait a minute ..I have to carry bedding and a whole cake down the street?'

She got in the shower and continued with her thought, 'Now, that's going to mean my hands will be so full that someone's going to snatch a week's worth of breakfast that I worked pretty hard for. Officer Shady said that if I get into another fight this year, I'm going to holding with a possible charge and bail. Hmmm. If I play defenseless victim, either before or after someone snatches my cake, I can get some guy to help me....I hope I have enough push-up bras to do the trick.'

When Lady walked into her kitchen and found an empty fridge, she looked at her dog, "Steve, I don't know how you do it but your timing is always impeccable! Hope you didn't chew my last good bra!"