A Day in the Life Of a Social Anxiety Sufferer

This article will delve into great detail about what life is like for a social anxiety sufferer, and is intended for those who know someone with social anxiety and are trying to understand the condition or for those who simply want to grown in their personal knowledge of mental health. While the details and overall tone of the article may seem somewhat dramatic, they are nonetheless an accurate account of what a bad day with social anxiety might be like for the author. Fortunately, the author was not stricken with a more severe case of social anxiety, but in reality, many people exist who have what is a bad day for the author as an average day for themselves, or worse. So, even though the article may seem filled with drama, realize also that the drama is not necessarily unrealistic.

This is an average day for me. Today, I have to go to school for a few hours in the morning, and then this afternoon I have to go to work. In between those two I am going to get a little bit of exercise in the gym.

Getting ready for school is no challenge because there's no one there to judge me. However, anxiety is already manifesting itself as a pit in my stomach and very sweaty palms. In fact, the anxiety was causing me to toss and turn while I was sleeping last night. Today, I have to give a presentation in philosophy class about a subject that is uninteresting and difficult, and I also have to present it to around sixty people. Fortunately, the teacher is nice and lenient grader, so at least that much will be easy.

My first class, a social policy class, is just a bunch of talking by the teacher and a speaker. I raise my hand to answer a question, just like I always do. I enjoy participating in class and asking people who are more experienced than me questions about the future field in which I will be employed. Even though the class is composed of many of the same people who I have had class with for the past two years, and even though I know that everyone there likes me (I'm actually a popular person), I still do not speak with full confidence in front of people. I am very worried that I might do or say something wrong, and that people might give me goofy looks or think things that I say are strange. Of course, none of that happens today in this class; it rarely ever happens. But, this level of anxiety is much easier than it used to be; my voice used to crack a lot when speaking in front of others which was really embarrassing. During this whole class I am all worked up about how my presentation will go in the next class, philosophy.

I arrive at philosophy class and there are two groups presenting today, and my group is the second group. I hate this because I would rather be in the first group and be done with it, and all this extra time is just more time for me to be anxious. The other group gets through their presentation, which was not great, and my group gets up. For whatever reason, most of my anxiety goes away; it used to stay really bad all the time in the past. The other group members talk and now it is my turn. I was feeling pretty relaxed until I knew that it was about ten seconds before my turn, and now my anxiety is ramped up. I begin speaking and most of my anxiety goes away, but some still remains. My brain loses its focus and begins to swirl, which terrifies me because then I cannot remember what to say. I have to look down at my notes, which I do not like to do but it is the only way I can regain my focus, which I do. I ask questions for the class to respond to, and of course only a couple people raise their hands. I cannot think of good responses to their questions or other challenges to the topic I am presenting to use in order to generate discussion; the presentation does not go that well and the discussion ends too soon because I cannot think of good questions to ask the class because I am so consumed by how I think they are evaluating me.

Now I have a little break and can head to the gym to play basketball. I play by myself because when I play with others, sometimes there are other people who are incredibly rude and begin to taunt or tease me, and I am usually the target because of my anxiety. I fend people off and do my thing and handle that situation okay most of the time, but I can only do it so much and it really irks my anxiety to get the guts to talk back to people who are being jerks, so I really prefer to play by myself and just get the exercise that I can from that; it's more fun and less stressful. When I play by myself, even if other people merely walk by and do not look at me, I become so concerned with the fact that they might that I miss most shots I take when people are nearby; when no one is around and I have nothing to obsess about, then I focus on the room and shoot at a very good percentage.

Next, I head to the final class of the day, a brief seminar with about twelve students in my major whom I have been going to class with for almost two years. We sit in a circle facing each other, which makes the situation a little more scary. Even though I have been going to class with these people for nearly two years and even though I know that they all like me, I still become anxious this day just because that is where my anxiety is. I am timid, look more at the ground when speaking in class, and even feel my shoulder and back muscles tightening up. Of course, this is not really that bad like it used to be; in the past I would totally avoid classmates or people I knew because I was afraid they might not like me or might be evaluating me in a poor manner, or maybe the social situation would just be awkward and not worth the time. Of course I would like to improve further, but I am very happy just to be this far along.

Finally, I have to head to work this afternoon. I work with autistic children, providing in-home therapy to the children and helping to educate parents who might not understand how to handle autism. Some homes are better than others, and this is one where I have a good relationship with the single mother, but this mother is not the best of parents. Even though I know that she just loves the positive influence I have with her children, I feel absolutely anxious when she yells at her children when they do not really deserve it, or when she treats one child better than another. Powerful displays of emotion scare me and arouse my anxiety. I have been working with this particular family for nearly three years now, and I still can feel quite anxious from time to time because I have not successfully dealt with this emotional issue yet.

This is what the bad day is like for me now, and I am a very functional social phobic. The majority of the time, the phobia is so minuscule that it holds very little influence over my thoughts and actions, and I can do most of the things that I need to do in order to lead a healthy and happy life. I am healthy and happy most of the time, but sometimes the anxiety can still bog me down. Most persons afflicted by social anxiety are probably not functioning at this level where this type of day described is a bad day. For many, perhaps most, this type of day would be described as a good day because most days social anxiety may hold many people back from doing anything social at all, or at least feeling a much more intense level of fear than I described. Hopefully this article has shed some great insight on social anxiety for those who are confounded by this condition.