A Day on the Sunset

Why? because they just come and go. Some time, nobody even notice them or worst, care to check them.
But I really into it this time, because we do need to release what deep down inside our broken heart, before it turns asunder. This past 3 months was terrible to me. I just kept playing all around, conquered every hotels during the fasting month, eating till I'm bog down, watching this, going there, but hey, I come back to the same spot.

My exam? Don't ever touched on that. Those papers are curse to me! when I sat for exam, I always see it like a football field. Maybe the result of a typical footballer that I am. The chance are wide open, but those pesky players will make it difficult. Surprise, we are the players. But of course there must be a way around it. Going straight for the goal like a striker, or play it around as a midfielder? Or sit around like a defender, and snap the ample opportunities to counterattack? Either way, you still must be on the field.. Your choice.

Well the answer? Wrong! You need to be the gaffer(manager). A genius individual. this is the man who projects his creativity and intelligence onto the field yet stay close to the safe line. You don't need to battered all the way with the defenders, running like hell, and shouting like a cry baby. Those wisdom in the head is what counts at last. To be able to materialized your dream is a priority. Am i right?

For the second time, it's wrong. You don't ever think if even you have Einstein's brain, you can wreak havoc through the field do you? Words without action is fruitless. It will never get far, just like I did for the past painful years. You need both brain and brawn. Brilliant yet hardworking, not genius. Hardworking can surpass genius. Genius is a fate you carry form your mothers womb, but knowledge and wisdom is something specials. There are every where, yet difficult to harvest. Easy come easy go right? That's why they last eternal. Knowledge helps you make a living, but wisdom helps you make a life. That's the difference.

The answer? Yes, we are nobody. We are no cheering spectators, bragging commentators, and even obedient ball picking guy. But heroes are made not born. To become something from nothing is what separate us all. And that is always be my dream. When people cheer for me, supporting me, put all their hopes in me, its like an ecstasy. To be a center point of attraction.

The principle is simple: ---!!!!---To do what others can not do, you are a HERO.
---!!!!---To be able to show off your might, you are a CHAMPION.
---!!!!---But to be able to lay a helping hand when others need you, when peoples rest all hopes on you, hug them when they need mercy & protection, you are a MAN.

Those are not easy. I failed many times. We fell in life many times in order to chase a destiny, which is uncertain. But if you believe in yourself, don't ever talk about faith. Yes, god determine our faith, but without efforts, it will evaporate away.

My old memories bring back my reality. When i was in standard 2, I had a beautiful friend. Her name is not important. I don't know where she is now, and I've been searching her for the rest 2 years, but to no avail. She told me to be her friend forever, and I keep to that promise until now, and know what? That promise keep me on track, that luck will across our path once again. I know u are out there somewhere. Please, just show up. There's someone missing you. 14 years is not a moment.. I guess divine intervention really embraces me at this time. Who would say for certain that even a tiny, flickering hope can drive you all the way? Hope is just the tip of the iceberg, but even a gargantuan iceberg meltdown in its own backyard. So, what keep hope alive? It's simple. It's called love. My old lost friends only lived in my dreams, the emerald world they say, untouchable by my hands, invisible to my brownish eyes, but deep down inside my heart, they are still there. That is the safest place I can afford for them and that is enough to be my backbone.

I depart from my college after the examination. During my drive way back, I stop at my old schools. The good old days, who can ever forget them? But I reflected myself. What i have been doing all these years? Will i am able to brace the future? Where do all my friends gone? I will track you all down. I never turn back on my words...

But hey, even I can't defeat reality. All my friends if you read this, please give me courage to face this life. We are after all in the same boat. Inspire me, and show me that life have some meaning even without the loved ones. I hunger for that....

I'm sorry for as long as I know u my friend, I was not always be the person you want me to be. It just painful. I know the disappointments in your eyes when I hurt your feelings. But sometimes I feel alone, and need attention. Just like a baby huh? Maybe, I admit that. But who does not? I tried my best to enjoy this one life and getting hurts in the process are nothing. As long as I'm content enough. Well, that will show you how much I appreciate my life. But can I do it alone myself? Never. That where friends come, but I do not want my friends to hurt along.. because you all are the most precious thing I ever had, and you will always be..

My dad always said: If you experienced some clouds in life, remember, heaven is on the other side.

But clouds do shift don't they? But no way I am counting on that. Yes they do shift. But what they will bring? Hopes like a sunshine, I welcome it. What about disaster like a thunderstorm? Your call.
Myself full of mental scars right now, tortured by the failures of the past and haunted by the unknowns of the future. I need to be strong. I pray to god, someone will show me the way to sweep off these hatred in my heart. Remember the football field? I mean the grass and weeds. many people said grass/weeds are bad, they are unattractive, parasite killing the beautiful flowers in the pot.

But the positive truth is hidden. Your judgments are clouded with hatred, to what people said about it.
Look at the grass carefully, they survive no matter where they are. Just like a strong heart. The will of a person. It is an unbeatable force, but beautiful. You cut and cut them, yet they will rise again. Mother nature never cheats. Yes, I am like a grass. Maybe weak in physical, but never in heart,life. I pray to god someone will appear to guide and show me the way. And that person could be you. Thank you.. for spending times to bear all this. The rain outside has stop, so I need to end it here. I hope the rain have carried away my fear, hatred and despair.

I will be strong next time. Just keep remind me of that.

Remember, the kite is raised against the wind, not with the wind.