A Dear Morag Letter

Please accept my humble apologies. I certainly didn't intend to hurt your feelings. But in my defence, I didn't know about the sad memories, the war, the grit, the eye or the briefs. Come to think of it, I never said "all expenses paid" either.

Sorry to hear that stations are such a mournful place for you. They are for me too, especially after today's cancelled trains.

If I uproot my family to Norway, and if I become an Associated Content billionaire, then at least I could fly you around in a Learjet, although I'd expect you to pay towards some of the fuel costs...

Unless you don't like flying. I hate flying, always get grit in my eyes. Maybe I should wear goggles.

But you have to admit that while Norway may be cold, it has to beat this shoddy little country hands down.

Take today, for instance.

Morning train cancelled, so half an hour late to work and standing room only. Nearly knocked over on my lunch break by some gimp-grandchild twit of a man who was cycling through a crowded pedestrian street. Call me a darned old traditionalist, or just a grumpy old man, but isn't that illegal and doesn't he deserve a life sentence for being a menace to society?

And then I had to wait 10 minutes at an ATM while some witless droids faffed and dithered as they were seemingly thwarted by the simplest user interface known to man.

Changed your mind? With the pound devaluing by the second we may find ourselves penniless, with our Associated Content billions reduced to nothing. On the off chance that we're out of food but in possession of a dead fish then it would be helpful to have Mickey around to resurrect it. Although it would be helpful to know - when Mickey resurrects a fish is its freshness restored? Or will it just taste like a fish that has been dead for a few days?

Yours,

Stoneskin