A Dog's Top Ten New Year Resolutions (According to Sir Pooch),

I, Sir Pooch, resolve to hide (or eat) the evidence after consuming things thought to be toxic to dogs, such as chocolate and pencils, or things that just irritate my landlord, such as lipstick and/or her dinner. This hopefully will spare her from ensuing panic in which she has to call an emergency veterinarian, do research online or write about dogs and chocolate instead of playing with me. I do not resolve to quit eating such substances, because I am after all, only a dog, and you're lucky I'm even bothering to type up these resolutions. (Read more at: toxic to dogs .)

Resolution 2: Vomit Outside.

I resolve to do all puking outside or at least make louder hacking noises and stand by the door until she gets the message. If she doesn't notice, what can I do? I'll try to aim for the floor mat by the door, but my aim is not so hot.

Resolution 3: Not Freak Out During Storms.

I resolve to be especially calm and peaceful when my owner plays classical or other calming music, so she will continue in the belief that it soothes dogs during storms. (Actually it does, too.) (See thunderstorm phobia cures for dogs .)

Resolution 4: Not Yank My Owner Into Danger

I resolve to lead my owner away from deep holes in the ground when she takes me for a walk. I know where those holes are under the snow, but she doesn't, and I'm tired of waiting for her to get up after she falls.

Resolution 5: Be Pleasant During Dog Grooming

I resolve not to even pretend to bare my teeth when my owner brushes and detangles my fur and bathes me, because I am quite a handsome dog, and dog grooming is the price I pay for having so many admirers.

Resolution 6: Beg Silently

I resolve not to beg out loud and whine during my owner's dinner, especially when she has company. I have mastered the art of begging without audio just by staring fixedly at her. I do admit that although my pleas are totally ignored during dinner, I am always rewarded at the end of the meal and I can live with that.

Resolution 7: Help with Housekeeping

I resolve not to unmake the bed, get into fights with the pile of laundry waiting to go into the washer, or pull the decorative throws off the couch so I can snarl and wrestle with them. I will also lick all the dirty dishes to help get them ready for the dishwasher, and bark at the vacuum cleaner so it will move faster. .

Resolution 8: Cut Back on Obsessive Compulsive Behavior (Doggy OCD)

I resolve not to bring my wet, slobbery ball to anyone more than five times in succession. I will stand quietly, poised for action, ball in mouth, until someone makes eye contact with me, and then romp over and graciously share my ball.

Resolution 9: Be a More Considerate Host

I resolve not to jump up on guests who come to see me. (She only thinks they come to see her.) Since she has begun having everyone turn their backs on me when I jump up, it's not much fun anyway. (See How to Train Your Dog By Turning Your Back.)

Resolution 10: Stop Shedding

I resolve to quit shedding. (Yeah, right!) This one is a lot like my owner resolving not to cheat on her diet. It's not going to happen. I have no control over my fur follicles. See: Power washing helps stop shedding.

Postscript from Sir Pooch: I meant to get these resolutions out by January 1, did I make it? (You know I can't read the calendar. )

Source:
Personal experience