A Fact-Based Case Against Letting Your Baby "Cry It Out"
the baby permanently. It changes the nervous system so they're sensitive to
future trauma."
- Dr. Michael Commons, Dept of Psychiatry, Harvard
I just read an alarming article on this site about the "cry it out" method. While I don't want to start a debate with this person, because she seemed well intentioned, I'm afraid she may be misinformed on the subject. I know my mother and grandmother were probably told to let a baby cry at night. However, I would like to offer some actual facts about the psychological and physiological effects on a baby left to cry himself to sleep. It is not "a baby's job to cry", as this article so egregiously stated. It is a baby's job to be a baby…and that includes communicating there is a problem by crying. It is his only voice and you, as a parent, have taken on a responsibility to provide solutions for baby's problems.
No one is saying a good parent will never allow his baby to cry. They cry a lot. Again, it is their only means of communication. However, a parent should never give up trying to solve whatever is wrong with their baby. It is a modern, western notion that babies should be placed in a large crib in their own room by themselves at night. It is also a western notion that babies should be somehow "trained" to put themselves to sleep and stay that way 8-10 hours. When a doctor asks if your baby is sleeping through the night, he doesn't mean for 8 hours straight! Babies have different sleep patterns than adults. Trying to push a baby into some kind of deep sleep, or "independence" is not in the best interest of the baby, it is in the best interest of a sleep-deprived parent who wants to catch some shut-eye. (Child rearing has no short cuts, folks.)
The fact remains that "crying it out" simply does not work the way proponents of the Ferber method believe. An infant has not the faculties to cry hysterically, get it out of his system, and then lull into slumber. No, he has merely submitted into exhaustion once it becomes clear that his caretakers are not coming to help him. In the mean time, his blood pressure and heart rate have soared excessively and needlessly because no one has opted to comfort him. Babies need physical comfort, especially from their mothers. It should be noted that Dr. Ferber, the king of "Cry It Out" has since revised his famous works to include an alternative method. That's right, the inventor of Ferber-ization (sleep training through crying it out), has realized he was wrong.
A recent Harvard study shows that children who are left to cry themselves to sleep suffer long-lasting damage to their nervous system. As a result, they are more susceptible to post traumatic stress and anxiety disorders, including panic attacks. Responding to your baby's cues when he cries does not spoil a child and it does not mean he will never sleep soundly on his own. In fact, a child who is comforted and nurtured will become more independent and healthy sleepers later because they know they have a dependable support system waiting for them when they wake up. Dr. Sears, world-renowned pediatrician, has done many studies on this. I would highly recommend reading about Dr. Sears and Attachment Parenting philosophy. Mothers will find it is much closer to what their natural instincts tell them.
"When we are giving to our children out of love and enjoyment, then it is a positive… When we are giving to them because they have worn us down or we feel guilty, then it is a negative (spoiling)."
- Dr. William Sears' response to the idea that Attachment Parenting "spoils" a child
Published by Dinah Laurel
Dinah Laurel is a freelance writer who specializes in online content development. View profile
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- It is a baby�s job to be a baby�and that includes communicating there is a problem by crying.
- No one is saying a good parent will never allow his baby to cry. They cry a lot.
- An infant has not the faculties to cry hysterically, get it out , and then lull into slumber.
97 Comments
Post a CommentI really liked this article. In a world were every doctor is telling you it's fine to give your baby formula, spend the entire day in daycare, and CIO at 3 months, it's refreshing to finally have an advocate for the BABY! They're babies and they cry b/c they need something! Comfort, a change, milk, to be bounced.... I don't think parents who use the CIO Method are bad I just think they are misled by their doctors or family and they are probably spread too thin and need the sleep!
I couldn't do the CIO Method with my son. It felt unnatural, like I wasn't doing my job as Mommy! But I firmly believe that every baby is different, so if this works for some families I am ok with it. I just think it is wrong that doctors PUSH this method onto you and tell you it's completely fine and best for you and baby. NOT TRUE!
the CIO method isn't meant to leave your child in a room when they are wet or hungry...I never left my child alone at night and I refusd to let them cry it out, but sometimes, when you know your child has the ability to sleep 8 hours a night (or in my daughter's case, 11 hours a night) then this method can work. My daighter fights sleep all the time. A mother knows when their child is fighting sleep. When I have rocked my daughter, played with her, fed her, given her orajel for her teeth, changed a wet diaper, and made sure there is nothing wrong wit her clothing and if she is uncomfortable, then I will use the CIO method. She gets angry that I am not at her bedside all night (and yes, she sleeps in my room because we have no nursery in my home) She falls asleep when I do this, and it does not harm her either. Parents who use this method don't just throw their kids in a crib and forget about them. This method has been given a bad rap because people do not do their research.
I think you can tell when your baby is crying from tiredness and crying from distress. My wife and i have read a ton of conflicting advice in several books, videos and even from different people. My best advice is to pick up the Dunston method, it helps you distinguish their cries so you are better prepared to sooth your child. Heck, i'll just tell ya. "neh" means she's hungry, the 'N' is pretty clearly heard, "heh" means she's uncomfortable/needs a change, "eh/erh" means she's gassy, "ow/aw" means she's tired, anything else or her cycling through everything means they want YOU. Think it's BS? I did too, till we listened for it and tried. Hope it helps.
I think we had a very wrong arguement in presenting this CIO case here. It seems like most mother where locked in a so called "WHATEVER WORKS WILL DO"... This comes to conclude that some parents are just wanting to have their SELF COMFORT zone in the first 3mos to whatevert it is. For me, this is very selfish Method. Crying is normal for baby but to leave them Cry-It-Out long is piece of bullshit method.
If you want to read about why letting a baby cry it out is bad, here are some short articles:
Children Need Touching and Attention, Harvard Researchers Say http://www.hno.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/…
“Instead of letting infants cry, American parents should keep their babies close, console them when they cry, and bring them to bed with them, where they'll feel safe, [...]the widespread American practice of putting babies in separate beds -- even separate rooms -- and not responding quickly to their cries may lead to incidents of post-traumatic stress and panic di
CIO is inhumane and neglectful. If you don't want to deal with a baby's needs then maybe just get a goldfish or a nice houseplant.
How on earth any mother could listen to her child cry themselves to sleep night after night is beyond me. When did we get so selfish and detached? Babies need to be held, comforted and soothed. They do not need to learn that their cries get no response.
How sad, and shame on anyone who lets their poor sweet baby give up hope of being nurtured..."soothe themselves"???HA! that's a good one! :(
I agree with the mom who pointed out there is more than one way to parent. Personally, I am a fan of CIO but I understand when other people are not. We all have to do what we are comfortable with as parents. I have a big problem when people throw out words like "selfish" or "neglectful" when talking about mothers who let their babies CIO. I wish as mothers we could all just support each other and not attack each other based on parenting styles we do not agree with.
I am somewhere in between attachment parenting and the other end. I am a stay at home mom of 3 children (15, 10, and 6 months.) I love mommying all of them to pieces! But children have to learn to sleep! They are better equipped to face the world well rested. They all slept through the night (at least 8 hrs.) before 3 months. I used my own FUSS It Out Method. I went in and patted and soothed every few minutes until the actually cried, picked them up or rocked, then started all over again. 3-5 nights later, they all slept! None of them screamed in the dark, all of them are very happy children, and I feel good about myself as a mom. So sweet dreams (at least for me and my kids) you AP tree hugging bullies! I say this as my 6 month old sleeps sweetly in her crib and will for about 11 hours until morning.
Reading this makes me sad, and glad at the same time. Sad, because it breaks my heart knowing there are babies out there who need something and crying in frustration, passing out from exhaustion, and not getting the love they need. Sad, because I can't imagine letting either of my babies cry for more than 5 minutes (while I hastily try to get together whatever it is I think they need... formula, toys, bed). Though they never get that bad because the cues are watched for like a hawk by my husband and me. (For the first couple months of their lives I don't think I slept more than 2 hours a day... and no, not at the same time!)
I am glad though that this CIO thing is beginning to come to light as the horrible thing it is. I was shaking and near sick last night, talking to my husband and realizing all the babies out there that are going through this. It's neglect, but no one looks at it that way for some reason. Just because your baby is fed and changed, doesn't mean everything is okay. I
I want to clarify and say that this method of "crying it out" is used ONLY to fall asleep. IF in a rare case he were to get up in the middle of the night I would not let him cry, for then I know He does need something. But when he is fed, givin a bottle and dry and just wants me is when I have to let him cry. Does this consider me a "lazy" parent? I think not, but it still tugs at my heart and makes me feel bad when he cries. But I have to do it.
I agree to an extent with Dr. Michael but my problem is my son is a year old and still wants to be rocked or just laid down with to fall asleep. I breast fed for the first 10 months of his life so whenever He would go to sleep it was always close and sucure in my arms. He no longer gets up in the middle of the night but I just have no other solutions than to let him cry for 15 minutes or so. I have only done it for 2 night now but it seems to be going fairly well. He is in no other need than to be with me to fall alseep and with me going back to work soon I don't know what else to do. If there is another solution or method to teaching him to sleep on his own I would love to hear it.