A Few Toys We Will Never See

With the holidays right around the corner, I have been thinking a bit about what the toy of the future will be… the one that sees mothers fighting tooth and nail for that last toy, the victor arriving home with less teeth than she had going in. There have been a few doozies over the years, the first being Davy Crockett paraphernalia in the 1950's. EVERY kid wanted a Davy Crocket Coonskin cap. In the 80's there was the Cabbage Patch Doll fiasco. In the 90's Tickle me Elmo was the toy to have. Of course, along the way, there have been a few failed toy ideas too:

The original "Flubber" made kids sick and nearly put Hasbro out of business. In the Phillipines, children were introduced to a fun toy called "letter bomb", which encouraged school children to have fun pretending to be terrorists. There was a Brian Jones pool toy, floated face down, just like the deceased Rolling Stones band member. There was a board game called "Ball buster" that never got off the ground, and "Oobie, the world's first and last hitchhiking toy. "Angel Babies", made by the Ideal Toy Co. in the 1970s flopped, because potential buyers saw angel babies as dead babies. How morbid! In any case, I was feeling silly today and came up with some ideas for a few toys for children that you will never see. I thought I'd share them with you. Some are funny…others not so much, but I enjoyed conceiving of them, so enjoy…or don't, as the case may be:

1) Transsexual Action Figures- Mattel has done some crazy things in its day, but I don't think they are gonna' go this direction any time soon. If they did though, maybe they could steal the "transformers" theme song. Lalala Transformers… more than meets the eye…..

2) Baby's first CSI Kit- Your young kids will have hours of fun pretending to work gruesome murder scenes. I'm guessing no one is ever going to think it's a good idea to expose toddlers to human crime drama. Oh well… another one for the scrap heap.

3) The Courtney Love Sing Along Doll- It's basically a foam head on a stick with bloodshot eyes and a big drooling mouth. Comes with its own arrest warrant.

4) "Congressional Page", The board game- You have had a brief encounter with Republican Congressman Mark Foley. Move back three spaces and wiggle it a little bit.

5) The Tom Cruise Pogo Stick- Safe for furniture. Warning: Do not use this toy while under the influence of psychiatric drugs. Toy likely to explode.

6) The Paula Abdul backstage Pick-Me-Up Kit- Actually… never mind. This one isn't even safe for Paula Abdul.

7) The Pamela Anderson Handle bar ornament- comes with its own air bags.

8) The Britney Spears and Kevin Federline doll collection- Comes with its own trailer park.

9) The Happy Katrina Victim- Comes in your choice of colors, white, white, or white.

10) The Whitney Houston kick doll- Weighing in at a mere 74 pounds, this life sized toy is approved by none other than ex-hubby Bobby Brown. "It feels just like kicking the real thing", vouches Brown with a fond smile.

There you have it: 10 toys we will never see on the shelves. Maybe you'd like to add a few of your own?