A Fool-Proof Online Profile Screening Process

Welcome to the world on Online Dating. It is an amazing ride filled with a huge upside; finding the love of your life! The downside is that you can get sea sick from the emotional ups and downs each potential match can bring. Let me help you keep both oars in the water and navigate safely to shore with these tips for having success online.

Be Ready for a Learning Experience: Each date offers an opportunity to sharpen your skills and learn. If you are just getting back into dating, you may not have a clear idea of your boundaries or your likes and dislikes. Know that each date is an opportunity to learn more about yourself. Carry these lessons over to the next date. Example: your date lives 35 miles from you. After driving across town to meet him, you realize that if you do the driving all of the time, you will be worn out! You decide that your new boundary will be to meet your date at a half-way point. In addition, you decide to tighten your search parameters and only date men who live within 20 miles from you.

Know What you Must Have in a Match: Imagine you are a manager hiring an office assistant. You put a job posting on Monster.com and have a well-written description of the position, an overview of the company and requirements the applicant must have to successfully fulfill the position. You also include some "nice to have" qualities that would be a plus. All applicants submitting resumes that do not meet the requirements (i.e., expert use of MS Office, switchboard experience, ability to speak Spanish) would be declined. Those passing the first screening would get a phone interview, and if successful, a face-to-face meeting. This is the same logic recommended for selecting your potential matches from an online dating site.

Start with a Vivid and Accurate Profile (i.e., job description): The goal of your profile is to paint a realistic portrait of yourself. Who you are, your values, your lifestyle, and of course, sharing of recent photos. You also need to share what you are looking for in a match: His values, lifestyle, interests, relationship goals, etc. Include what you feel are critical requirements for him to bring to the table (i.e., religion, smoking and drinking preferences, children, etc) You want only potential matches to contact you that are a true fit.

Use a 3- Part Vetting Process: Imagine you are that office manager hiring an office assistant. You will most likely get dozens of responses to your profile. Imagine how much time it would take if you answered every e-mail and met each potential match in person? Feel tired already? Just hold on. Now it is time to use a fool-proof vetting process to evaluate your inbox.

Step 1 of the vetting Process is Profile Evaluation. Review each profile in your inbox and respond only to those that meet your minimum "must have" requirements. Although it may seem more personal to send a "no thanks" e-mail for those not chosen, I have found that many recipients are put off by it, no matter how kind you are.

Step 2 of the Vetting Process is a Phone Call: After exchanging one or two more personal e-mails, move the conversation to the phone. I do not recommend chatting online, as the goal is to evaluate the person and see if there is a connection. The voice is a powerful communication tool and there is no better way to go to the next level than through real time communication.

Do you like him and want to know more? Take the lead and ask that he calls you. For safety reasons, you can purchase an inexpensive phone from your local Target specifically dedicated for these first calls. The goal of the call is to gain more information about him, and to ask questions and share a bit about yourself. If you sense a mutual connection, take the lead again and suggest a coffee meeting.

Step 3 of the Vetting Process is the "Coffee Date." Now you have screened his profile against your criteria and heard his voice over some casual conversation. The next step is to see if you have good rapport and perhaps even chemistry. My tip is to keep the first offline meeting to coffee, and hold to a 30-minute duration. Keep the conversation focused on knowing more about him and looking at body language, manners and overall first impression. Does he look like his pictures? Does he show up on time, drive a clean car, dress neatly and is well groomed? What does your intuition tell you? On the same note, strive to make your best first impression and be sure to show up as your best self.

So you have had coffee and shared some nice conversation. Now what? If you are attracted and want to see him again, than say so! Be direct. If he feels no connection and is dancing around the topic, you will know. Do not take it personally and simply go your separate ways. On the other hand, if he feels a connection and you don't, I still recommend taking the direct approach. Let him know that you appreciate his time, however you are looking for something very specific and you do not feel that the two of you have potential to become that.