A Freelancer's Cautionary Tale of "Affiliate Marketers" and Other Pirates of the Net

Though I've been writing professionally for nearly seven years, I'm relatively new to copywriting. Like many of you reading this, I suspect, I stumbled across the profession while browsing the "self-help-for-writers" bookshelf in my local Borders-I know you know the one I'm talking about. The big flashy font on the spine of a little book caught my eye and I was lured away from my short fiction by the promise of better hours, more freedom of choice, not to mention large sums of cash.

That little book made copywriters seem like the rock stars of the writing world. I was all set to jump in both feet first but my wife placed a cautious word in my ear and I decided to start out part time to see if I could actually make a go of it. After all, I live in a small town masquerading as a big city in coastal Maine and there are not really a whole lot of ad agencies, multi-million dollar corporations, or wealthy independent businesses owners in this town.

I signed up for Elance and was making money within three months. In actuality, I was astounded at how fast the money was coming in even though it was in small amounts and I was only working maybe five to ten hours a week.

But if you've dabble on Elance or similar buyer-provider connection sites you know there are some shifty characters out there calling themselves "affiliate marketers" or "internet entrepreneurs" that make making a living for a writer quite difficult.

Within two months I had had run-ins with far too many of these people. They were everywhere, bombarding my account with proposals to write fifty, 500 word articles for twenty-five cents, or re-write whatever word vomit their spinning software had regurgitated for even less than that. I was even hired by one individual-who shall remain nameless-to re-write his blogs in my own words so he could use them as fresh material for his site. It was a good job, I thought. There was no plagiarism involved (something I've never stooped and never will) like so many "affiliate marketers" wanted, and he agreed to pay me extremely well; however, after six rounds of revisions on a four-hundred word piece I finally got the picture that he really didn't want me to "re-write" anything. He just wanted me to switch out nouns and adverbs for their synonyms.

I did a little digging and every freelance writer's website I came across, every blog, every gathering spot on the web I happened into had posted warnings about dealing with "affiliate marketers." Some were political in the wording:

"I personally don't work with affiliate marketers but that doesn't mean you shouldn't!" (Add "if you're a sucker" to the end of that and you get the gist.

And some were just outright hostile:

"Affiliate marketers aren't worth your time!"

I began to worry that I was the proverbial bumpkin just tossed off the turnip truck and was about to write all of these fiendish scallywags off when the unbelievable happened: I found one that actually understood the true value a writer brings to the table!

I'm not one to namedrop but I believe in giving people their propers. James Martell has engaged my services on a couple different occasions for short projects and has always provided me with:

· Adequate instructions upfront

· Fair deadlines

· Decent rates of pay

· And positive feedback at the completion of every project

So how was I to reconcile this quandary? Here was an affiliate marketer who was a pleasure to work for!

It was clear that not all affiliate marketers were of the same caliber. I had been drowning in a sea people who wanted my genius brain products for pennies on the pound!

As a newbie, I hadn't been able to spot the differences between the two.

A serious marketer:

· Always gives reasonable deadlines. (They may be tight but they're not ludicrous!)

· Negotiates a respectable, professional wage for your services beforehand.

· Genuinely understands the value truly unique and original content brings to their press releases, websites, and print articles.

· Never expects you to create garbage just for the sake of boosting their web pages' search results.

While their dastardly counterparts "technically" do the same thing (promote other people's products on their websites for profit,) and can "technically" call themselves "affiliate marketers," it doesn't mean much. You could "technically" call a Chihuahua a dog but sit it next to a couple of Rottweiler's and it easy to see the "Mister Tinkles" is more like dog food.

It's tough to tell the difference on the fly though. The imposters often use a lot of the same language, post a lot of the same types of jobs, and even have a similar stable of websites under their control. Here are a few tricks for spotting the shady characters.

· They often advertise with big flashy titles promising "good pay" and "ongoing work."

· They are always looking for "the right candidate" for a lasting working relationship.

· They are often a bit crude, sometimes rude, and sometimes just downright nasty (My previous aforementioned nameless client refused to let me change "bums" to homeless day laborers because he thought it was too nice!)

· They often want you to finish huge projects in under a week or agree to accepting articles one at a time with a re-write deadline of 12-24 hours. (I guess they expect you to be working for them alone and to rearrange your personal life to suit their needs.)

· They will almost always ask you to write "press releases" when they have nothing newsworthy to say and can't seem to understand that the purpose of a PR is to announce something that has happened or will happen. (The fact that they are still selling "the best ever" is not news-no matter how you word it!)

I guess the moral of this story is that one bad apple really doesn't spoil the whole bunch. As a group, you may not have great success with affiliate marketers but I can testify that there are some good ones out there. If you arm yourself with knowledge before you get in your little ship of words and sail out onto that dangerous sea of scallywags and privateers you're sure to have some hearty adventures and discover some hidden treasures.

*Robert Palmer apologizes for the mixed metaphors and copious amounts of "quotation marks" used in this light hearted little bit of prose-as well as for all of the pirate talk toward the end.