A Guide to Effective Parenting: How to Teach Children to Be Responsible

I am a step-mother of two pre-teen boys, and I've taught pre-school for about 10 years. I've developed a method to teach responsibility to children that I believe will allow anyone to be a more effective parent. It works because it makes it clear to children what is expected of them, sets rewards for doing well and gives consequences when goals are not achieved.

Effective Parenting - Making it Clear

A child's feeling of self-worth grows when they learn to be responsible for themselves. However, to teach them, it must be clear to them what their responsibilities are. Make a large chart with chores plotted out to show what jobs they are responsible for and make sure they know how do to each task. Ask 'Have you finished your list?' rather than nagging about each individual chore. You give a tool, and you teach your child to use it - this is how the effective parent helps her child assume the responsibility for his own chores. Let your child mark off each daily completed chore. Seeing his accomplishments will give him sense of pride and teach responsibility.

Effective Parenting - Homework

Likewise, effective parents don't 'micro-manage' their child's homework. Effective parenting puts the child in charge of their homework and makes her responsible for her own success. Give your child a notebook for writing down each day's assignments. If necessary, at first you might have her get a teacher's signature to confirm that all the homework is written down. But as your child becomes more responsible, you can trust her to write down each assignment. Knowing that parents find them trustworthy feeds into a child's self-worth, and their sense of responsibility grows.

Effective Parenting - Rewards and Consequences

Of course, making a list of chores or homework isn't going to guarantee it all gets done.
Effective parents know that to teach a child you must have rewards for responsible behavior. Consider giving your child an allowance at the end of the week when all chores are done. However, if chores aren't completed, there should be a reasonable consequence - allowance gets cut proportionately. It's important that you explain the consequences to the child beforehand. If not, your child can feel that he's been treated unfairly when consequences happen.

Money isn't the only option for teaching responsibility. Perhaps you could reward with time on the computer or game console. For example, you can reward with 15 minutes of computer time for each completed chore. It's up to you to determine what rewards and consequences work best in your home.

Effective Parenting - The Power of Praise

Praise is a powerful tool, and effective parents praise children often for responsible behavior. But it's important not to over-praise your child for routine activities - the words soon become meaningless. And don't forget - children need physical affection. A hug or two a day can make a huge difference. A child who feels loved does not want to disappoint his or her parents.

The most important part of effective parenting is consistency. If you're consistent in your discipline, you will teach your child to be responsible. Of course, no system works immediately, it takes patience. But if you use these steps for effective parenting, you will be successful in raising responsible children.