A Guide to Thrift Store Shopping

Now, I know what you're thinking. If you've read any of my other articles you'll know that I advocate things like independent music and wearing suits, so you might think of me as the guy who always wears those really lame tweed or corduroy blazers. Technically, you're right. But there's more to thrift store shopping than it seems. Articles will always tell you how much money you can save and how fashionable items are in there, and how it's hip to wear thrift store clothing, but there's a darker side. Not a "thrift store clothes are being made of the skin and tendons of children" darker side, but there is one nonetheless.

I started shopping in thrift stores for the "cool" factor at first, but gradually I became aware of how much money you can actually save there. "Hmm," I thought to myself, "I bet I can find some great deals here." Around here, one of the larger thrift stores is called Valley Thrift. At Valley Thrift, even though the prices are ridiculously cheap, they have sales. Which brings me to the first section to address. Thrift store sales. On Labor Day, Valley ran a half off the entire store sale. Needless to say, things there rarely reached over $10, so everyone was scrambling to get a piece of the action. Good, sweet Lord was it pandemonium. First off, the parking was hell. Well, close to it at least. A lot of older people were driving around in their Mercuries and some of them had less than what could considered as passable depth perception. Although it was minutely tragic, seeing the guy motioning for the older woman to keep backing up until he realized her bumper was lodged into his was pretty damn funny.

Inside was no different. Thrift stores aren't exactly especially noted for their spectacular organization, so inside the building was, like the parking lot, insane. People were sprinting around with carts through aisles full of glass. Of course there was a glass already broken on the tile, perhaps a metaphor for the fragility of people's nerves and the eventual inevitability of the shattering of said nerves when there are too many people cluttered around. Probably not, though. Kids were playing with the toys, men were sizing themselves up against button down shirts with the hangers still attached. A few random, partially flattened basketballs were rolling around under the clothes racks. The lesson learned? You are most definitely not the only one who knows about the thrift store sale. If there is one you plan on going to, go early. I don't doubt they made more money that day than any other sale day before in the year. Which brings me to the next pointer.

Thrift store shopping is cheap, of course, but it's still important to watch what the prices on things are. There are some neckties there that cost more than a leather jacket, so price tags are something to keep an eye on. When you walk into the thrift store, look around. Mainly, look for a sign that says "ALL SALES FINAL". That is a key thing for some sneaky cashiers. I've seen a few of them ring up a $1.99 shirt for $4.99 and so forth. While that may not seem like a lot to you, if you're getting three shirts, they're cheating you out of almost $10. No one wants to get suckered out of ten bucks. It's not that they make a mistake or anything, they have buttons designated for prices. $1.99 and $4.99 aren't near each other on the keypad. I've looked.

Another thing, if you're looking for music, you'll more often than not find anything of your taste. Why? Probably because people with your taste are hanging onto that record or cassette and aren't donating it. I've seen a few NSYNC albums and Christmas compilations and what have you, but nothing worth writing home about. They do occasionally have back issues of interesting magazines though. I personally enjoy National Geographic, so it's always interesting to see what the NG team was up to in July of 1993. There were plenty of paperbacks at the thrift store I usually frequent, but they seem to have gotten rid of them for some reason...

Aside from that, there really aren't too many bad things that happen at the thrift store. Well, maybe seeing that guy with the ICP tattoo run into the women's bathroom...But I think that was just unique. Explaining to people how you can buy quality clothing at a more than reasonable price should sway anyone that doubts your choice if they're have at least an ounce of common sense. If you're really paranoid about where your clothes have been, though, I've seen many articles of clothing with the tag still on it. Straight from under the tree to the racks at the thrift store.