A Guide to Tipping at a Restaurant from an Insider

Perhaps it is a taboo subject, given that no one likes to be told how to spend their hard earned cash. However, given that I am someone that is dependent on the amount of money people decide to give me, here are tips from someone in the industry on how to tip when you eat out.

Firstly, one of the hardest things to understand if you have never been a server, is that tips are a server's only source of income. Unlike more or less everyone else in the world, we do not get paid a true hourly wage. Most servers make a good deal less than minimum wage, mostly because our tips supplement our income up to minimum wage. For instance, I currently live in Tennessee, and the service wage is $2.13/hour. Our minimum wage is $6.55, and that is after a very recent increase. Tennessee will compensate me up to $6.55 if I fail to make at least that much per hour, but for the most part servers rarely need that compensation. That is of course provided we actually receive tips as we should.

Giving a tip, I understand is no one's favorite thing to do. Often times people worry about giving too much or too little, or they feel they were cheated and the server does not "deserve" their hard earned money. As far as being cheated, here is what it comes down to unfortunately. When you go out to eat, things are going to go wrong sometimes. It is inevitable, all of us were born human and as such are fallible. Everyone will make errors, but not all errors are the fault of a server. For instance, if your steak is not cooked correctly, do not take it out on the server's tip. As a server, I cannot cook your steak, and I cannot see how it is cooked until you cut into it. I will gladly get you a new one, and get the problem fixed. Additionally, servers do not control prices, cook times, running out of things, or pretty much anything that has to do with food preparation. Any of those problems can be addressed with a manager and you may be compensated by them for your troubles.

I am gritting my teeth as I type this, but I have come to realize their are situations where people may be right in shorting a server a tip. I have recently had the misfortune of encountering servers that purposely discriminate their service based on guest appearance. If you look like a good tipper, you get better service. I'm not sure when those servers went back in time several years, but I apologize to anyone encountering someone like that. I do not blame anyone encountering one from playing right into their stereotype, no matter how frustrating it may be. Additionally, there are some things that I agree are despicable and in these events you are being cheated as a guest. My job is to take care of you, and smile along the way. If your server is rude, or purposely ignoring you. I understand your anger. If they just act like they do not give a damn, and refuse to serve you. I understand leaving less. Essentially if the server is refusing to take care of you, I understand not giving them a great tip. However, along with that, be aware that a server is not refusing to take care of you if it takes them a minute or two to comply with your request.

Anyways enough on when not to tip, this is supposed to be about how to tip when you eat out. I wrote previously that the standard tip is 18%. That is pretty much universal for any sit down restaurant, casual or formal. Leaving more is always an option, and exemplary service should be rewarded.

There are also some things that guests do that perhaps deem leaving a server more than 18%. For instance, staying at your table for a full hour after your meal is completed. I understand the reasoning behind going out to eat often is to visit with friends. However, servers are essentially per table, and committing such an action is basically depriving the person that has catered to your every whim of an hour's wage. Another such case is if you completely trash the table in which you are sitting. I love kids, and I love seeing kids in the restaurant. Some children have a way of brightening my day. Unfortunately, kids are not the most patient or clean beings ever. I don't mind cleaning up after your kid, but technically that is your job. So maybe you could just help me out a little. If Susie threw every sugar packet out of the container, dumped whole containers of cheese on the floor, and had a finger-painting session with her ice cream; then maybe you should tip your server just a bit extra. If for nothing else, then not going absolutely crazy and smacking the kid while watching all this. Maybe that isn't appropriate to say, but try watching someone destroy something that takes you an hour to get clean, and see how patient you are.

One of my pet peeves being on the wait staff, is that I am expected to be a mind-reader. I do not know that you are in a hurry, unless you tell me. I do not know that when you say prime rib, you meant to say ribeye. I also cannot fix a problem, unless you let me know there is one. It amazes me how many times a guest calls back the next day to complain about their food, but did not say a peep about it during dinner. I know that the dining experience can be frustrating, and that sometimes you feel rushed to make a decision and order. However, I am your server, and I am here to help you. So do not get flustered and refuse your help. If you need to know what tastes good, or what you feel like -- I can probably help you. Most of us have tasted just about everything on the menu, so I am your best source of information. Additionally, don't feel afraid to ask me to come back in a few minutes. I probably have something I could be doing anyway. Utilize your server, and don't tip them less because your refused to do so. Getting to the end of the meal, and being furious with me because you ordered the wrong thing and refused to tell me about it -- is really not an option. Nor is it fair to me, because you are tipping your server less because of your own actions. I pay for my own mistakes, I don't deserve to pay for yours.

I understand that their are several different types of eating establishments, and that it is difficult to know how much to tip. So here is my advice for how to determine that. Pay based on what you are getting. If someone is catering to your every whim, bringing your food, and bringing your check -- then try to tip 18%. If you are at a buffet where someone just brings you a drink and then leaves you alone, maybe give them a couple of dollars. Delivery food you usually want to give the person about 5-10% of the total. The person that is driving your food to your house is getting paid an hourly wage, but they still are saving you a gallon or two of gas. It baffles my mind, that every single small place I go has a tip jar now. Essentially here is what I personally do in those situations. I usually throw a quarter or two into their little cup, just to help out a little. Obviously, just like serving if they go above and beyond and memorize my order and prepare it perfectly, I'll give them more. However, these places aren't looking for 10 dollar tips, and in actuality a lot of them aren't even allowed to have tip jars according to their corporation's rules.

There is one more area that I would like to cover in depth, and that is the bar. Bartenders work for tips just as much as servers due. I hesitate to say this, but a lot of places they work harder. They are responsible for any bar drinks you receive, whether you order from them or not. They take care to-go orders in most restaurants, and they even pick up tables. Bartenders deserve to be tipped. It is that simple. I can never understand racking up a 50 dollar tab with the bartender and then tipping them 4 dollars. If it isn't what you would give to your server on that tab, don't give it to the bartender. An easy rule of thumb to follow is that for every well drink (well meaning house liquor), you want to leave a dollar. Well drinks run around 4 to 6 dollars. If you are opting for a higher price alcohol or cocktail, up it to $1.50 or $2.00/cocktail. I have trouble remembering what to tip at a bar, and that is in general the formula I use. Here is also a little food for thought on that. I am not saying that bartenders purposely cheat guests, however if you become a bar regular and you are known to tip. Often times the bartender will compensate you by making your drink a little stronger or trying a little harder. It's a necessary evil, in reality all servers/bartenders work on the reward and punishment system. Finally, if you do get a to-go order, you actually are supposed to leave something. It may not seem like a lot of work to put your order together, but it is.

In closing, I understand that the economy is on a rapid decline now. I see the effects of the economy everyday. My own personal restaurant closed because of this, and the new one I work at could one day go through the same thing. The point is we are able to keep these creature comforts available to you, because you go out to eat and because you actually tip your server. A restaurant works because part of the payroll is paid by the people enjoying it. When you stop tipping, eventually your favorite restaurant may not be around anymore. It's a reality that is becoming all the more real everyday. For thousands of Steak and Ale fans, that is already true. If you love eating somewhere, reward the person you get to meet, and you actually will be doing your part in keeping it around.