A Guideline to Using an Individual Divorce Recovery Plan

The divorce rate is over 50% in the US these days and spouse and child abuse are also quite prevalent. It is also well known that divorce, whether it was caused by abuse or not, causes at the very least, stress on the individual and can cause extreme stress and therefore the need for recovery and regaining ones direction is often necessary. This is a very difficult time for some and it takes time for healing and moving on. This is a time when an individual need support and assistance in the healing process. I was in this position once when I was divorced in 2004 because of spouse abuse.

In this article I would like to share how I regained my lost identity after my divorce - a long gradual process that has taken me over three years. In the beginning I had no idea where and who I was, let alone how I would move on or continue to live. I went through a horrible depression and time of stagnation that I would not want for my worst enemy. So I would like to share several steps that a person can use to begin this process of moving on after a relationship has failed or even after a spouse has died. I have found that in a time like this it feels as if a part of us has died. I came to a point where an article like this was something I could have used to at least point me in any direction, even if it wasn't exactly the right one for me.

#1 Start with where you are now- It took months to learn that I had to get up and do something and not just sit there and mope. I met a very strong woman who took the time and effort to make it known to me that I had to stop living in the past and get up off my duff and do something, anything but stay where I was. She gave me a reason to evaluate my life and realize that I really did need to and actually could move on. I am very grateful to her today. What we need to realize in this situation is that yes, the past was painful, yes, separation was difficult, but that we are still alive and all is not lost. We still have a future out there and we are now in control of it.

#2 Don't Isolate - After months of depression and a sudden onset of non-stop coughing I went to a doctor and he did two things for me. He diagnosed me with Asthma and gave me time to talk with a fellow doctor who pointed across the street and told me to go to the homeless women's day shelter to meet other women. Within days both my Asthma and depression were well on there way to being controlled. It was at this shelter that I met the above mentioned woman who was such a great help to me. The message, when you are feeling this low, don't isolate, don't sit home alone, and in my case a strange city where I knew no one, and mope. Get out and socialize. Not in order to meet the next Mr. or Miss Right, but to get out of yourself and your own problems. We all need people and relationships to be emotionally healthy; it is great for healing depression.

#3 Don't be afraid to change your mind at any point in the healing process. Most of our decisions are not permanent and most any decision can be altered with no guilt on our part. This is a trial and error process and we shouldn't feel guilty about any of our decisions. We need to make decisions that we feel comfortable and safe with.

#4 Be sure to take as much time as you need. Don't feel pressured by anyone else's schedule. All of us are individuals and require different amounts of time for healing.

#5 Explore new areas. Again take as much time as you need. Set aside some time for yourself and think about some things that you have wanted to explore or do for a long time, no matter how wild they may seem to you. Make life a fun adventure.

Feel free to make changes to this process as you see fit. This is just how I did it. I know some people who have attended support groups, but I never liked them very much. I felt that I need to be in control of my life for once and make my own path. I also needed to turn my back on some things that I did most of my life. I took an extreme path that I am very happy with and will change as I see fit.