A How-to Guide for Women Dating a Musician

Let's face it: take an average-looking guy and put a guitar in his hand, and he suddenly becomes more attractive. There is something about a man who plays music that is a bit of a turn on. Perhaps it is because musicians have a reputation for being sensitive, artist types. It could be because we grew up putting posters of rock stars on our walls. If you want to date, or are already dating a musician, these tips will help you have a happy relationship.

It used to be about the music, man. When you date a musician, it is always about the music. Most people who write songs, sing, play guitar, or possess any variety of musical talent have been passionate about it way longer than they have been passionate about you. Music is their life. It is part of them. Do not try to compete with it, or remove it from their life. You wanted to date a musician, so if you become a guitar player's girlfriend, don't complain that they want to play guitar. Don't get angry if they want to practice their guitar instead of watch The Notebook with you. However, balance is a good thing, and it is important to discuss your concerns when you begin dating your musician. Some general questions or comments like, "So, you must practice a lot to be that good at playing guitar!" can gage just how much time your boyfriend is going to devote to his craft. Even though dating a musician seems like a great idea, it is probably not worth it if you can't stand the sound of a guitar, or if someone playing the drums drives you crazy.

Along those lines, if you are dating someone in a band, expect them to be playing gigs on some nights and weekends, if they are any good. Nights and weekends are the prime time to play gigs, so there may be some plans you'll have to put on hold. Not being able to have Friday or Saturday date nights can put a damper on things. Hopefully you like your boyfriend's band, that way you can go to your musician's gigs and see them play. It can be fun to invite your girlfriends to come see your guy play the drums, or to see him sing. However, one thing to avoid is hanging out in front, screaming your head off and acting like a groupie. The girlfriend's and wives of musicians and even famous rock stars don't act like groupies. They typically have been in the music scene for a while, have been to lots of shows, are used to the attention their musician gets, and act accordingly. Don't get jealous if girls approach your man and tell him they loved his song, or that he is a great bass player, or that he should be famous. Just take it in stride, and know your musician is coming home to you. Hopefully your relationship is built on trust, and your self-confidence is in tact.

One of the most important pieces of advice regarding dating a musician is: Don't be a Yoko. They say one of the reasons The Beatles eventually broke up is because when John Lennon began dating Yoko Ono, she suddenly appeared in the studio offering unsolicited opinions on The Beatles' music. She was reportedly cold to the other band members, and monopolized too much of John Lennon's time and attention. One of the best things you can do when dating a musician is to become friends with the other guys in the band. You want to show them that you are not a threat, because chances are, they have been in a relationship with your boyfriend way longer than you have -- and are suspicious of 'outsiders'.

A mutual love of music is almost essential in dating a musician, as music will most likely be something that has a large place in your lives. The common factor in all these tips on dating a musician is respecting your musician's love of music. Value their commitment to music, don't be jealous, or controlling, or insecure. It is important to have interests and passions of your own, so that supporting your musician in his dreams doesn't become your whole life.

So, whether you date a guitar player, songwriter, singer, or beyond, it takes a strong, self-confident, music-loving woman to date a musician. I married mine, and we are still going strong eleven years later!