A Humorous Guide to Surviving a Nasty Break-up

To survive a nasty break-up, you will need a sense of humor and a gun. Just kidding on the gun, you will really need a bomb shelter. Alright, I'm still joking--no need to call the authorities. I've had one really nasty break-up in my lifetime and one that just frightened me because the person wanted to do me physical harm. You haven't lived until you've experienced the total hatred of another person aimed directly at you. What a challenge these experiences were to my belief in unconditional love.

I've found that the nastiest break-ups were the ones where I was on the giving end of the "bad" news that the relationship wasn't working. It is really not much better to "give than to receive" when it comes to break-ups. Sure, your ego is not as bruised as the person who was let go; but you will need to be prepared to be stalked, harassed and threatened at every corner. This is where a sense of humor is needed to survive the fall-out of a nasty break-up.

When your friends tell you what the other person is saying about you behind your back; tell them it is all true and that you are not yet fit for a healthy relationship based on who you chose as a partner. Then laugh it off! Your real friends will stick it out with you. Do not get defensive or spiteful. Do not say anything bad about the other person to fuel their fire. Eventually the fire will go out if you do not keep it going. Moving out of state helps sometimes too. The ability to let go of the need to protect your ego is key in surviving a nasty break-up.

If the other person harasses you with vengeful emails and phone calls; do not respond. In today's technological age you can block their email address and block their phone number. If they are smart, you may have to change your accounts altogether. There is nothing worse than a smart jilted lover.

When they threaten to take half "or more" of everything you own; let them have it. Things can be replaced and are not worth holding onto if it means having to deal with this person for years over a disputed settlement. If they really believe your things mean something to you; then they have power to control your emotions. A jilted lover enjoys toying with your emotions. Release the things and the power-control game ends for you. They may still want to come after your throat, but this is also where a sense of humor will help you manage the fall-out.

What makes me laugh about these situations is when I realize that these people hate me so much; yet they are insanely upset that they are no longer with me. Not to be insensitive, but one would think that being released from an unhappy relationship would be a good thing.