A Last Minute Primer in Gift-Giving: It's the Thought that Counts

The way to find the perfect present is to listen to the person you are buying for. That doesn't mean get a list and buy the stuff on the list, that means really listen.

My husband has a knack for this. A few years ago we had a friend who was graduating from college in December and his plan: buy her work clothes.

He knew that she would be needing them and she had been mentioning for two months that due to the financial constraints of being a student, she had not purchased anything for a professional wardrobe. So, we bought her a few nice separates and a great suit for Christmas.

Her husband was a bit irritated because our gifts were better received than his. Why? Because we listened.

The same thing happens year after year. My husband gets me things I am not even consciously aware that I would like to receive, but that I desperately want.

Five years ago, he suggested we redo our kitchen for Christmas. Not a remodel, just new dish towels, canisters and matching appliances. He knew it was the first time in our married life that we could afford to have dishes and appliances that matched and how much it meant to me.

Now, there was a time in my life when I would have shot him for buying me household items as a gift for me, but as I have aged, I have found that sometimes its exactly what I want. For my birthday in November, I wanted a new crockpot. Sure, I could have gone and bought one myself, but the point was, he knew how much I wanted, listened to what I wanted and then found it for me.

And, finding the gift that shows you were listening or paying attention to the one you are buying for means everything. Last year, for example, my in-laws bought him a "Git-R-Done" t-shirt as part of his Christmas present.

My husband, working on his degree in English and a confirmed rock enthusiast from way back, quickly categorized it as the worst present ever. It showed that they were completely out of touch with his reality and in some ways was more insulting than if they had chosen not to get a gift at all.

My friend Brenna loves baked goods, but works two jobs and has a very active social life, so she doesn't bake for herself as often as she would like. For years, we have tried to buy her something nice for Christmas and all it has succeeded in doing is making her feel badly that she cannot afford to do the same. When we finally figured out the perfect gift for Brenna was a pan of brownies, everyone enjoyed the holiday more.

At first, I felt cheap giving this gift, but in the end, she liked it more than things I had spent twenty times as much on, because it showed I was listening to her. Though not easy, the simple act of paying attention to people makes a huge difference in finding the perfect gift.

If my in-laws had paid attention, they could have gotten my husband a roll of film or a good dictionary and he would have been much happier with the present. And, it would have lasted more than a day in our home and been useful.

Ultimately, it isn't the value of the gift that matters. Everyone says "It's the thought that counts", so make sure the thought is really there. Otherwise, skip the gift and send a card. It'll mean more.