A Lead Pipe Cinch

Yesterday, the little knob that diverts the water from the tap in the bathtub to the showerhead decided not to work. It, of course, locked in the half-way position. Some water from the tap, a drizzle from the showerhead.

So we called a plumber. He came over right on time. That was encouraging.

Every plumber, electrician and carpenter starts out his assessment with the same comment, "What kind of jerk put this crap in?", or words to that effect. This plumber was no different. After this introduction, he proceeded to pull the knob off, pulled out the valve, and frowned. This did not bode well.

"Boy is this OLD!"

The valve is made of plastic! How old could it be? But, based upon the expression on his face, and the "tsk, tsk" sounds he was making, you'd think it was ancient. Like it had been installed in the days of horseless carriages and lead plumbing.

Of course he did not have a replacement part on hand. Why would he clutter his inventory with such an arcane piece of equipment? He would have to go to the hardware store and hope that they still carried that model part.

I can picture the scene in the hardware store. The plumber is showing the part to the older sales clerk. He calls out to a younger man. "Charlie, look at this! I ain't seen one of these since . . . well, I don't know when. Take a good look at it Charlie, you may never see one of these again!"

The guys at the hardware store go into the back-backroom. In this room are cobwebs, hand pumps, crescent moon doors for outhouses, layers and layers of dust of the ages! They dust off box after box. Digging deeper and deeper through the strata of plumbing history. Down through the age of iron pipes, to copper pipes, lead pipes . . . and then there it was. The diverter valve model 108/G!

"I was thinking of donating this here valve to the Smithsonian Museum. I know a collector who'd pay top dollar for one of these, but if you need it I can give it to you for a good price."

The plumber came back with the precious part. He was covered in dust and cobwebs. But the unit didn't fit! We need a model 108/D. The grandfather of the one he'd gotten from the hardware store.

So, back to the hardware store. Back to the excavation site. More digging. And then the prize! An actual 108/D diverter valve! Somehow, I imagine the papyrus wrapped box with the model label reading 'CVIII/D Valvus Divertimentium'.

The plumber returns. The part fits! The valve works! Now I have the option of taking a bath OR a shower! A triumph of modern plumbing technology!

I pay for the part - Oy
I pay for the labor - Oy Vey gevalt!
(And I'm not even Jewish!)

So many parents want their kids to grow up to be doctors. Forget that! Doctors have expensive equipment, years of tuition bills to pay off, all of that malpractice insurance, those terrible multiple shift days spent as interns.

Better that they should have their kids become plumbers. A shorter time in school. Getting paid as apprentices as they learn on the job. Who ever heard of a plumber being sued for millions of dollars for 'malpractice' for a leaky valve? The hours are better and the take home pay is about the same!

I feel humbled each time I take a shower, knowing that this piece of antiquity is a part of my plumbing! I have the impression that the diverter for my shower is just two years newer than the Holy Grail and just about as valuable.