A Lesson from a Cop's Wife - Leave Nothing Unsaid

My husband's friend, partner and co-worker (a fellow police officer) died this morning after being involved in a horrific car accident. Tragedies like this one have a way of making us reflect upon our dearest relationships.

Has anything been left unsaid? Have we said things we regret? Have we said "I'm sorry" even for the small things?

I stood outside the officer's briefing room this morning and watched one officer after another gather to mourn. The silence was agonizing as I watched a dozen uniformed men stare at the ground and hold back tears.

In that moment, I imagined myself as the widow of the dead officer.

Did I tell him I loved him? Did he know how much I cared? Did I say "I'm sorry" for the argument we had this morning? Was anything left unsaid?

He handed me the van keys and gave me a hug.

I looked at his eyes. Yes, everything is okay. Everything is always okay with us.

Like most married couples, my husband and I have fairly frequent arguments....big ones, stupid ones, silly ones. But not a day goes by where we don't say (and mean) "I love you". Even through tightly clenched fists and grinding teeth we say it, and we mean it.

Maybe I should title this post "a lesson from a cop" because he's the one who taught me how fragile and fleeting life is.

I really don't know what he does everyday (and frankly, I don't want to know). I do know that he sees a lot of "yuck" and it is easy to tell how awful his day was by the tightness of his hugs.

My 6 foot 3, 230 pound, often overflowing with testosterone, husband started a habitual "I love you" campaign in my home shortly after he became an officer.

Our "I love you's" often come in the form of a quick text message while he is at work, three taps during church & at movies (tap *I* tap *love* tap *you*) or a quick phone message.

I often wonder if plumbers, accountants, truckers, delivery drivers, postal workers, etc... are as committed to habitual "I love you's" as the men & women in uniform are.

I don't know.

Sometimes, during playful hugs with my husband I am jolted back into reality when his stiff bullet-proof vest rubs against my chest. "Stay safe, honey..........please".

Sometimes I am awakened by the squeal of a siren in the neighborhood. Is he chasing someone? Is his seatbelt on? His he safe? I call. No answer. "I love you"....just in case.

My husband frequently calls me in the middle of the afternoon. "hug my kids". "I love you". I smile. Then I wonder, what did he just deal with? A child's death? A spouse? An accident? A fire? Regardless. Everything is okay with us now.

My husband's partner & friend died today and I felt helpless.

Can I bring food? Can I help start a trust-fund for the boys? Can I babysit the other officers' children?

I called my husband to see what I could do and he replied, "everything is covered, hun...I love you".

He was right. Everything is covered. Everything is always covered...because nothing is ever left unsaid.

You may not love someone who has a dangerous job, but I would challenge you to treat them as if they are in the line of fire everyday. Hug them when you hear the squeal of a siren. Pretend that they are wearing a bullet-proof vest under their business suit, overalls or polo shirt. Never, ever let them leave for work without a kiss. Start a habitual "I love you" campaign in your home today.