A Lesson in Core Values

Baseball, apple pie, motherhood. The Midwest did not invent these concepts but when one ponders the symbols and images that are suggestive of the heartland and agrarian origins of America, these are icons that come to mind. I have recently experienced something that is perhaps more basic to the true essence of America, and that is the triumph of family and community over adversity.

For the sake of privacy and family identity, I will describe the events as generically as possible. It was my trip to rural Illinois in response to the plea from a family member for support to a treasured family member with a terminal diagnosis. We did not know when the end will be - all that we knew was that this was our family that needed the emotional and physical support of all those who cared.

Responding to the request for help was automatic. What we found at the destination, however, was a scene that defies prior experience and rational, logical explanation. From the time that we arrived in Illinois, the stream of friends, co-workers, family members immediate and distant, army friends from forty years before and ex-relatives of many years never stopped.

The bountiful support took as many forms as its sources. Food replenishment never stopped. Everyone brought something, from beautiful casseroles to items as mundane as toilet paper and garbage bags. Without exception, all who left issued the same message - if you need anything, just call. I have never seen an outpouring of time, tears, tenderness and tissues in any family or other type of setting.

Is there a specific connection between the events witnessed and the fact that we could look out the windows to see cornfields and silos rather than light rails and high rises? I believe so. The door was never locked, something that good sense and experience would never permit in the city. People arrived at all hours, usually without invitation or notice, always welcomed and treasured. City people I have known don't observe these suspensions of protocol. We are busy with our schedules and work priorities, often at the expense of those whom we consider closest to our hearts.

Perhaps a further explanation is warranted, particularly because there are thousands of families and family members who would not have elicited this display of love and kindness. As I explained to the matriarch of this family, we are all cognizant, consciously or otherwise, of those who always give and who rarely receive. This is one of those phenomena.

For fear of exposing too much emotion or family dynamics, suffice it to say that what we witnessed was the manifestation of a lifetime of giving to others. Those who came did so without pretense, obligation or a moment of questioning as to the reason for why they did. The phone calls never stopped, nor did the emails, packages and letters. It was as if we were all touched by the same virus - being there, providing emotional and physical support and pledging ongoing presence.

What was the lesson taught and learned? In our busy world of self and self gratification taking many forms, this was the quintessence of selflessness. I witnessed perhaps a hundred people who left their pasts and egos at the door, dedicated to giving and providing help of all types. Very little was solicited but all was genuine. As I prepare to resume the routine of my life, I can't help but realize that there is a great deal of hope for the preservation of the species for as long as we have a sense of doing what is right, necessary and emotionally precious.

I am grateful to have been on the giving side of this equation rather than the receiving and for the lessons observed and integrated. As I reflect upon a week spent in doing very little more than being available when needed, I can only hope that as parents and leaders we are promoting the right types of behavior when it carries the greatest amount of meaning. With our rural areas struggling to survive, we can only hope that the messages they plant with rows of corn do not vanish with them.