A Letter to Bounty Papertowels Executives

Bounty People
2 Proctor & Gamble Plaza
Cincinnati OH 45202

Dear Bounty,
I cannot tell you how much I have enjoyed your commercials over the years. Ever since I was a little girl, I have always been fascinated by the advertising business. I'm writing today to let you know how your product has been effective in a very-different-than-kitchen-use way.

Our family has always had pride in the fact that we are extremely environmentally-conscience, respectful of all living creatures, concerned about preservatives and all the chemicals that are killing our bodies, and generally, all around "green".

Using your product is actually a little bit of a stretch for us since at our local Earthfare we can purchase paper towels made from 100% recycled materials. However, sometimes you just have to choose quality over the environment.

Now to the point of my letter. My children and I were traveling home one day when, ahead in the road, we saw a turtle crossing. This road, though not a major thoroughfare, is pretty busy on a daily basis. We knew that turtle was headed for an early grave if we didn't act fast!

We pulled our H2 over to the side of the road and jumped out to save our new friend. We were at a loss as to HOW to move him out of the road. As much as we lovingly encouraged him to walk faster, he didn't seem to hear (or he didn't care). I'm not sure if turtles are deaf or not, but they sure don't seem very smart.

Of course, picking the turtle up and moving him was not even an option. My mom always told me the dangers of touching ground-dwelling animals including toads, frogs, lizards, turtles, insects of any kind, and strange dogs and cats. All of the above usually have rabies or some other disease, and touching them will give you warts.

My youngest son selflessly offered to use the wrapper from his Big Mac. We could put it in front of the turtle, wait until he walked onto the wrapper, lift said wrapper (with the turtle in it) and drop the turtle into the safety zone. However, the turtle must have been a vegetarian, because he sure didn't seem to like the smell of the remnants of the Big Mac.

Finally, we thought of your product. We had just been to the grocery store, and one of our purchases was an 8-pack of Bounty. My middle son decided to be brave. He wrapped his hands with 15-20 paper towels, while my daughter folded about 10 paper towels to form a strong base. My son then picked the turtle up and placed it onto the base my daughter had made.

She ran to the side of the road and threw the "icky" (her word) turtle into the safety zone with a catapult-like motion. It was very funny! I figured the hard shell would protect him, so I wasn't very worried. Anyhoo, there was no way I was going to let them bring those disgusting paper towels into my H2, so I made the kids throw them down on the side of the road.

So, since we're so environmentally-conscience, I thought I'd ask you guys to make your towels bio-degradable in the event that something like this happens again.

Thanks,
Sara Stone