A Letter About and to My Dad

Inside the darkness of my head
I wonder why I can't sleep in my bed
the thoughts of my dad dead and gone
makes me wonder why he left me alone

He took his own life that day
he laid dead in the wood till Jan from May
that was over eight months he was missing
and all i could do was to keep wishing

wishing that he would be found and alright
so i could see his smile again with my own sight
Daddy always was there for me
even when him i couldn't see

He helped me in every way he could
just as a true father always should
but you see i was no where close to being the best son
even if i was the only one

I helped push him over that little edge
you could say it was me that shoved him off the ledge
because of me he will never again be in out sight
because of me he took his life that night

It was Vodka that ruined our family ties
because of that we both had tears in our eyes
how badly he wanted it i did not see
by refuseing him his drink he pulled a knife on me

I didn't know what i could do
and the law i should sue
I told them not to take him to jail
instead they locked him in that cell

I talked with the system of the court
told them he didn't need jail but help of sorts
i ask that they let him go free
And asked that he be aloud near me

They granted my request that i admit
but to this pain i caused him he would submit
after the trail and the verdict read
they found him eight and half months later in the woods dead

He drank anti-frezze that stoped his heart
and on the same day mine grew dark
i turned to drugs and booze
for my dad i could stand to lose

to make it all much much worse
it seems it was me that caused this curse
see it was this point that i lead him to
so daddy maybe it's me that should be dead instead of you

I would join you this this world of death
it wouldn't bother me all that much if i say so my self
but i have four kids and one on the way
that i will need to be there for everyday

I do miss you this i declare
and i'm sorry i pushed you so far this i swear
I'm sorry you feel as if you lost a son that day
but i never lost a father that much i can say

This poem is about and to my dad
and i you understand after a year i'm still sad
I miss him dearly as you would to
and i'll end this with Daddy i love you

Juggernaut of death
11-29-07
Edgar Lynn King