A Letter for Oprah

When I first started to write this letter I wanted to give you a grand story only about my friend Shilah who has made a small mark on history. I wanted to tell you all about how hard I have been trying to get her to a level much greater than the one she's reached. I have known Shilah for going on six years. She is a phenomenal singer and beautiful on the inside and out. But this story is about both of us, considerably ordinary women.

Let me start by telling you about my week. On Monday March 5, I thought everything was as together as it could be, for now. I've been sad because my mother has been ill for the last three years; her deteriorating health has been killing me slowly. For a year now, I live almost 900 miles away from my mom, by circumstance. That Monday night I spoke to my Mom briefly. I was in a rush to Wal-Mart to exchange a blinder before their service desk closed for the evening, so I told my Mom I would call her back in 20-30 minutes. On the way home she did not answer. We communicate through a family talk cell phone plan. By the next morning I'd missed 6 calls from her. At night I turn the cell phone down to sleep because my mom is notorious for calling at 4 and 5 in the morning- every other day! Her calls would simply be to see how I'm doing, or what I'm doing. So that day, I decided to call her on the way home from work. This time, at first I did not recognize the voice on the other end. It was my aunt. She told me my mom had another stroke and was in the ICU. Having heard this news for the 4^th time in two years, at first I was numb to it then depressed. When this week started I was content with being neither very happy nor very sad. Everyday I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster. January 29^th Shilah won 1^st runner up in the Miss America Pageant. This win would be fine, if I were not the reason she was in the pageant in the first place. I hated that she come so close to winning.

Immediately after meeting Shilah I found out she was a talented artist. We were both boarding a plane from Dallas to New York. Soon after that she'd made Texas her permanent home, I took a producing job in East Texas and our friendship grew into a sisterhood.

Two years ago my mother had her first stroke. She'd gone to the hospital from work feeling ill. At the hospital she was told she was fine and could go back to work. She had the stroke while she was driving away, barely across the street from the hospital. Lucky for her, she'd brought her brother to the hospital with her. I moved home and worked part time overnight to help take care of my mother. That year I also stumbled upon a website advertising a small local pageant and thought this could be the ticket for Shilah in many ways. Winning the pageant would mean she could obtain money for school and a chance for her to continue to use her talent on stage.

In November 2005, after applying for a full time job after job in the Dallas area for a year, I received a call from a news affiliate in Kentucky offering me a job as lead producer for their morning show. Finally in February 2006, I accepted the job believing my mother to be back in good health and also believing I would make enough money to plan a trip home every 2-3 months. After getting to Louisville I quickly learned I could not afford to buy groceries let alone purchase one flight home. The company made false promises that set me back so far financially that for the rest of that year I slept on an air mattress and watched a borrowed television that only showed two very fuzzy channels. As I chipped money here and there to get furniture and settled in to Louisville, Kentucky I decided to stay there at least through paying off my car note. I began a job at The CW Louisville making less money. By July I was not able to get home to neither see my mom nor attend the Miss Texas pageant. Because the pageant was televised only in Texas, I could not watch the pageant. Shilah went on to take 1^st runner up. This was devastating to all of us. First runner up would simply go home with her winnings.

As for me and my Mom, due to extenuating circumstances, I am not able to go see her. Right now I am trying to move forward with my life and am in what feels like purgatory waiting to start law school.