A Letter to Unimportant

I'll never move on, never..I'll always be in this place. This place that holds me to you. This place that intertwines my heart strings with yours. In a million years, I'll never love the way I love you. I'll never burn for and ache for and need, like I burn for and ache for and need you. You brush me off when I say I'll never find another, but that only tells me, you never truly understand the power you have over me. The power that your love possesses over this distance we seem to keep making bigger.

I don't understand this need you have to find the blame, to figure out who did what wrong, and who tried the hardest. Maybe you don't do it on purpose, maybe you don't mean to always say it, but you do. I feel like, sometimes, I do pull away more and more because I don't feel as if I'm being heard. I write and speak, but I feel as if only part of what I want to convey, gets through YOUR wall and barrier of mistrust. I desire so much to just be heard, to be seen in the light that I truly do deserve. Sometimes it's hard, I know, I know first hand how difficult it is to trust.

To hear someone say "I love you" and not think you heard the slightest hint of regret. I know what it is to feel so afraid of believing, that you forget to listen.

I do it all the time,

I did it all the time to you.

But for once, I want to be heard. I want to break through that barrier just one time.. just one... time. So you can hear or read the truth that is truly meant to make you understand. You are truly going to regret never having listened.. You are going to regret never having trusted me fully, because that is what made me lose my sanity. How do I know? How can I say such a thing? Because I regret it, because I regret never fully listening, I regret not having trusted you fully. I regret making YOU lose YOUR sanity. You see baby, we're not so different. In fact, we're so much alike, we see each other in our own reflections. What we each want, need and desire, is to be heard. Is to be trusted. Is to have that one person in our life that sees past everything you've done wrong, and only sees what you've done right.

Now listen, you are my soulmate. You are the one man, I love, desire, cherish, admire, and want. You are never going to be able to move on, and neither will I. Why? Because you belong to me, and I belong to you. Our hearts anyway. What you do with your body is your business. but your heart, it's mine,and for as long as I'm breathing, there will never be another person on earth who will be able to capture it. Maybe that's a bad thing, maybe it shouldn't be that way, but it is. Your heart isn't ice or steel, it's taken.. it's locked away in the inner caverns of my soul. I've NEVER strayed. I've NEVER even thought of straying. I've NEVER lied. Everything I've ever told you, is truth and fact. EVERYTHING. There will NEVER be another man in my life. There will NEVER be a man who will love me,touch me, feel me, kiss me, make love to me. And there will NEVER be a man that I will love, touch, feel, kiss or make love to. I will be a single mom until I die.. unless or until, our paths cross again. But I guarantee you one thing baby, our paths will cross when I'm standing at your door, looking you in the eyes. When and if that happens, take me by the hand, and march me right to the JOP and don't say a single word to me until you say "I do"

No matter how many miles, how big the pond, we're always going to be connected. We're always going to be, 'us'

I'm sorry that you gave up. I'm sorry that you forgot your promise to me that you never would.. but recall it now and bind it to the promise you will never stop loving me, because I know THAT promise was never broken. Because if you never read another word I write, if you feel you just will never trust me, or the words I say, then I have nothing else to say to you.. but if you can believe in me, it will help me believe in me, and more importantly, it will help me believe in you. I think it's hard on us both, not having the other trust us, because it's hard to trust someone, who doesn't trust you. Because in my own experience, I know every word I speak is truth. And I've always been about truth. So when someone doesn't believe in that, in me, what makes me want to believe in them?

I don't know what our futures hold for us. I only know I will never move on. I will always be your girl. I will always hold your heart in mine. I will never be able to see in another man, what I see you in. I wouldn't want to even try. Because in my heart, in my soul, we've made love, we've touched, we've looked into each others eyes. We've walked hand in hand along a rocky beach. We've sat elbow to elbow in a car and watched the scenery go by, as our kids sat in the back. I've had a life with you, inside myself. One you may never understand, but, as much as I know you, I feel you have lived a life with me, inside of yourself.

Know this..

it's your body I reach for in the night, when I wake up from a nightmare..

It's your hand I reach for when I need comfort..

it's your name I scream out when I take myself over the edge

in times of great sorrow, it's your voice I remember, and it brings me great peace

It's your beautiful eyes, that I think of, when I'm afraid, they give me courage.

Even if you think you're never here to comfort me, you always are, you always have been, you always will be.

If you can even for one minute, call yourself unimportant, you never knew me or what you mean to me, or how much you are loved(and that is MY failure, not yours).. because you are important, to me.

I love YOU, forever and a day