A Liar's Game: Dealing with Lying in Relationships

At some point we've all lied and we've all been lied to. Although we hate the feeling we get when we find out someone has betrayed us with lies, the cycle of lying still continues. If people were Pinocchio's, there would be many people walking around with ever growing noses.

There are several reasons why people lie-mostly it's to cover up their wrongdoings or to give themselves an advantage. From the little white lies to the major lies, the end results of lies is usually someone getting hurt. In relationships, telling lies will do nothing but cause more problems. Once you tell one lie, you will resort to telling more lies to cover up the first lie. From that point on, all of your future conversations will have to support your lies. You might even begin to believe the lies you are telling because you will get so used to saying them and trying to live according to what you're saying. When the truth finally comes out, you will not only have hurt yourself, you would have hurt the person or people you've been lying too.

One of the most important things that help to build a relationship is trust. Once you find out that you've been lied to, the trust is shattered and sometimes impossible to rebuild. While it is true that the truth can hurt, the cut from being lied to is far deeper. Finding out you're been lied to can leave you feeling hurt, angry, betrayed, vindictive, and even gullible. Being deceived can lead people to vengeful behavior. Clothes may be burned or bleached, car windows can be smashed, harassing phone calls can incur-all because someone was lied to.

It's hard not to take lies personally, especially when you know that no one lies by accident. The more experience you get with liars, the better you will be able to identify them. Most liars fall into one of five categories: the cheater liar, the pathological liar, the impressive liar, the "I'll-say-anything-to-get-you-into-bed" liar, and the double life liar.

The cheater liar is just that-a person who lies to cover up the fact that they are cheating. This person will lie even if they are caught in the act of cheating as if it's your eyes lying to you instead of them. The pathological liar really can't help themselves. Lying is a real sickness for these types of liars. They get more excitement out of telling lies than telling the truth. Moving on to the impressive liar, this person will lie about their job, income, residence, the people they know, their upbringing, education, or anything else that they think will be impressive. They will make unnecessary statements such as how much money they just deposited in the bank or expensive things they are planning to buy. Their elaborate plans and statements never materialize which is how they usually get pinpointed as the type of liar they are.

The "I'll-say-anything-to-get-you-into-bed" liar will say anything to get what they want. These types of liar are mostly men. While it's true that all men aren't this way, through experience men have been known to say anything to get a woman into bed. This type of liar is an expert at analyzing and knows how to appeal to you. If you happen to mention that you're looking to start a family one day, he will act like the type of family man you want. He'll talk about his future family plans down to the number of kids and the dog. If sensitive is what you're looking for, he will suggest going to see a chick flick or even snuggling up on the couch watching movies. He's a chameleon and can conform to whatever type of man you want to get what he wants.

Lastly is the double life liar. This liar is either already married or in a serious relationship. You won't get a home phone number but you'll will get cell phone and work numbers. He or she will always claim to have a tight schedule and you might not be able to get together with them for days at a time. This is because the other relationship they're in. In some cases you may know that you're involved with someone who is involved with someone else but you're buying into the lies that they will be getting divorced soon or that they're just together because of the kids. Either way you look at it, the relationship is based on a lie and will not go far.

No good ever comes out of lying and after getting caught in one lie you would think people wouldn't do it anymore. However, that's almost never the case. Lying might seem like a good idea to get you out of a bind, but it's usually one of the worse decisions you can make. Before you tell a lie try to consider the old saying that we've all heard many times: Honesty is the best policy.