A Link Between "Black Friday" and Self Mutilation

Wait for the laughter that I know will overtake me come Friday night as I am sitting on my sofa NOT nursing my physical wounds...NOT resting my weary feet and calves...NOT recovering from the self-inflicted mental/emotional/spiritual mutilation that we have come to know as "BLACK FRIDAY".

Honestly, I get more of a thrill out of watching the Black Friday stories that make every local AND national news broadcast than the glee I receive hearing about "idiot" injury reports on the morning of July 5.

"But, bw," they say. "You have not lived if you have never experienced shopping on Black Friday!"

I say, "GOOD!" I love sitting on my sofa, drinking beer and relaxing. And I love hearing, first hand from the wife how:

1) ...herself and her sister had to waste gasoline sitting still at a congested intersection because a car filled with lil' ol' ladies did not know to turn left when the green arrow pops up on the traffic light.

2) ...the morons behind the counter should know, BY MEMORY, that the flyer on her windshield stated that the price of a tee-shirt should actually be fifty cents cheaper that what rings up on the register display. Thank goodness it only took twenty minutes to convince him/her or else the fifteen people behind her would have been pissed.

3) ...the backs of her ankles are bruised from the pricks who cannot understand the unwritten driving laws that apply to the operation of a shopping cart. "Unassured-clear-distance-ahead is not just for the highway, Dumbass!"

Then there is the traffic accidents and road rage...not to mention the news reports that mention K-Mart "AISLE ANGUISH" or Target "TOY TURMOIL".

I know...a sale is a sale is a sale.

I'll keep my ass home on the couch - because you just can't put a price on sanity!