A Little Taste of Tantra

There are many Tantra traditions and it is not my immediate intention to discuss them here right now. When people hear the word Tantra it seems many things jump up into their minds and most usually they are not about what Tantra is really all about at all.
Buddhists talk about being free from desires and what I want to talk about here today is how we can become less encumbered by our sexual desires.
The impetus for this article is fueled by a comment made by one of my loyal readers, Mysteria who recently commented on my article called, "The Single Life" (here).
I quote what Mysteria said, "I am my own lover/boyfriend/husband I am the only one worthy of such a person like myself' and will come back to it after digressing a little.

One of my favorite writers on the topic of Tantra is a man called David Deida whose books really shifted my heart around quite a lot. He particularly made me question many of the feminist beliefs I have held dear over some of the recent decades.
David is a prolific writer and has written many books on the topic and I describe him as an expert on the emotional mechanics of Tantra. I find his books to be very powerful; like atom bombs for the emotions.
One of the things he points out is that we do not need to be fooled by any compulsion to act out our desires but that we can instead 'go through them as if they are a doorway'.

The discipline of Tantric sex teaches us that sex can be used as gateway to the divine. But don't be fooled that it is your lover who is divine though this is a very common mistake.
My own interest in Tantra was tweaked by having an ex husband who was a sex addict and who had also studied Tantra. Though I never did have many complaints at the time about having on hand an ever ready sex machine who considered me a sex goddess at all times I think I was fooled by thinking that he was my divine Tantric lover without whom I couldn't exist too happily nor live without the white-light that sex can potentiate. It took a long time to get used to missing out on once we separated. I often think I may have left him sooner if I had not thought that the ability to have Tantric sex together meant that there was something special about our relationship.
So it is in this way that we can be tricked and fooled by our desires. If we can see our desires as mere gateways the whole dynamics that run our lives can change bringing transformation that may allow us to rise above them.
Before coming back to Mysteria's comment I'd first like to quote here one of the many pastiches that David Deida has written. It well makes the point about how our desires can entrap and enmesh us whilst also pointing out their illusory nature;
"SHE AND I ................ (Taken from a book my David Deida)

When I look at her, I am awed, her beauty, her lusciousness, her smile, her eyes full of love; she makes my life worth living.
When I look at her I am repulsed, her ugliness, her resistance, her anger, her need; she makes my life an unending burden.
She drives me crazy, I would do anything for her, give my life for her. At other times, I want to be away from her, without her constant emotional twists and turns.
Altogether nothing inspires me more than her. Her attractiveness pulls my heart, body and mind towards her. I want to take her, make love with her , and enter her deeply, until we are both turned inside out in love.
When I see a radiant woman on the street, suddenly the bright light of the world shows itself, and my drudge is instantly combusted in delight. Her attractiveness fills my life with energy, awakening my happiness.
And yet, it is not enough. She is the most delicious fruit, woman. But, so what ? And thus it is her insufficiency, too, that draws me through appearance. Her lips, her legs, her apparition, are not enough. Her mind, her laughter, her embrace, is not enough. Finally her love is not enough. I am not satisfied.
First drawn to her in every way - sex, conversation, laughter, love - and then finding myself disappointed in the trap. I want to leave, find a juicier fruit, but I don't. She is ugly now, dangerous with poison hate, and I have been tricked, loved into the jaw.
It goes nowhere, this woman thing. And so, splayed between desire and dissatisfaction , I am forced to yield my hope directly through the surface of this moment. There is no in or out,; only recognition of absolute frustration, in place, exactly now and here.
No motion actually ever moves me closer or farther from her, though in my stupidity I dream of approaching the bosom of her love, and she also snarls at my nightmares. She is everything, the world, every possible world, every reward and punishment. She is everything I want and everything I want to avoid.Woman. She moves my mind and body and heart. She fills my fantasies. She makes me cry. She evokes poetry from me. She gives me perfect moments. Horrible moments. And I'm still thinking of her.
I cannot get enough of her to not want more. Nor can I get away from her and be done. Nothing I do, no movement I make closer or farther changes anything fundamental. I cannot get her or escape her because - so suddenly obvious - she is me.
I try to be other than her so I can have a reason to live, some pleasure to look forward to, some fear to conquer. But she has cornered me in the sound of my own effort. Every attempt I make rings only of hope and fear, but nothing changes. She laughs at me, loving me, hating me, indifferent to me. Nothing means anything to her. Meaning is the flavor of my own search. And, usually, she is the meaning.

She is the carrot I am searching for whilst holding the other end of the stick. The closer I get, the farther she goes. When I think I have her, I want more, I want different, and again, she is just out of my reach. When I don't want her, she is everywhere, unavoidable. I can't get away. There is no option. It is endless. And so, in place, I stop reaching for her. I stop running toward or away. My game, meaning, nothing or everything, is over.
Suddenly her pull and push vanish. She stands there, motionless, as my experience, every stitch of dread and secret want unwrinkled into smooth. I feel into her, putting on her body like a skin. Her emptiness is my home. I offer myself through her form".(http://www.bluetruth.org/ 7^th March 2007).

As David says we can acknowledge and be grateful for our desires without having to act as if they are real and compelling forces. He implores us, if we haven't got a partner to be grateful to be able to feel such urges. Merely saying 'thanks' out loud can take away all desire to go 'mate hunting' so feel the urge and be thankful for it.
So now Mysteria's comment can seem extremely apt. Efforts to fuel our desires can often lead us into painful, ego driven relationships. Better off single than in an ego driven relationship is one of my own edicts. Onyer Mysteria.

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