A Look at Divorce from a Male Perspective

Every day across the world a formerly happy couple signs the papers that bring finality to their relationship. The divorce is final and all the details have been sorted out, some nicely and in a friendly manner, and others in an all out brawl as the lawyer's fees continue to rack up unabated.

Child custody has been agreed upon along with child support payments and visitation rights. Property and finances have been split, in most cases, evenly and enough time has passed since the first major fight that some people may even still like each other at this point and be able to remain friends for the sake of the kids involved. One thing is NEVER mentioned though, and it is something that, if men really thought about it, would strike the blackest of fear into their hearts. What could this mystery thing be you ask? Simple. How, after umpteen years of living in domesticated bliss, is the average male going to cope with having to do housework in their new home?

I've been fortunate that I have never been divorced and have been a stay-at-home dad for almost 10 years so I am savvy in the ways of domestic appliances. But think of the average man who goes out and works 8-10 hours per day and has his wife stay home and take care of the home. Do you really think he has any clue what all those knobs on a washing machine are for? It would be the equivalent of handing over the controls of a 747 to Paris Hilton and saying "good luck".

There are scores of men who can break apart car engines and re-assemble them in no time flat but will stand for hours on end scratching their heads trying to figure out how to get the vacuum cleaner into that leaned back position without the wheels lifting off the carpet. I wonder how many revert back to their college days and eat nothing but take-out and put the clothes they want to wear between the mattress and box-spring of their bed hoping the items will be nice and flat in the morning. I'd bet anything that there are a group of people that believe Serta/Sealy have branched out into fashion world as men everywhere walk around with the bedding tags stuck to their dress shirts. Hopefully those tags will cover the burned in iron mark.

It's with all this in mind that I suggest to college campuses and community colleges all over the country to set up classes for these poor souls. They could start out with the basics like how to properly fold a shirt and tuck in the sheet corners under the mattress in the correct manner (The sheets should not interfere with your dress shirts under there) before moving onto more complicated courses like Washer/Dryer 101 and Dishwasher Dexterity : How to program one-handed. There should of course be fluff courses available where the men can pick up easy credits toward their PHD (Pathetic Husband Diploma), and these would include the remarkably easy TV Remote Handling.

With a little help, these poor fellows can re-integrate back into normal society and perhaps be not so much of a burden to their next spouse or girlfriend.