A Look at the Varied Preferences of Men and their Penises

According to 'http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mplurals.html, the plural of "penis" appears to be a toss up (pardon my French!) between penises, penus or peni. Aside from not knowing what the plural of penis was for the past 44 years and the fervent hope that I never have to experience a situation in which I actually have to use this expression, i.e.: prison, gay-porn gang-bang, alien gang-bang etc.

I thought it high time the world at large had a nicely accessible list of things into which we men (wonders of God's creation that we are) have inserted our penises, penus or peni into. Unlike other articles I have written over the past few months, I have (aside from 'Straighdope') no other sources to cite or give credit to in writing this list. Observation over the years and an unhealthy interest in what we stick our appendages into and oh, wait - I'm a guy! Most guys could probably list off the same list and in some cases may have performed a good deal of them but won't have the guts to let it be known for fear of public opinion and/or prison. Thankfully the anonymity that Associated Content provides its writers allows me to delve into that perverted part of my mind. So let the list begin. Oh, and don't dare let me read anyone being offended because I simply won't believe any of this is really news to anyone.

Women. An oldie but a goody. It makes sense. The pieces fit together quite nicely.

Men. For those of us of the hairy-arsed persuasion testosterone on testosterone is the only way to go.

Animals. Dogs, Cats, Chickens. Thanks or disgust must go to those inventive Europeans for the buggering of our fine furry or feathered friends. I myself am an animal-lover but definitely not in this way.

Dead people (Adult, child, baby). It's a curious thing that dead and decaying corpses of any age or sex should arouse any amount of sexual stimulation, but hey different strokes for different folks.

Vacuum cleaners. Is there a man out there that hasn't at least thought about sticking their you know what you know where.

Mother or Father. Aside from those who enjoy incest on a regular basis this is usually reserved for the more perverted serial killers whose usually oppressive parents on occasion find their put-upon sonny boy dispatching them with glee and proceed to bugger their lifeless bodies silly whilst cutting their head off and watching it roll around on the hardwood floor. Why is it a Hardwood floor? - I don't know. It just is. I'm sure I saw a movie like this once.
A movie!.....was it really a movie! Da da da!!!!!

Small Children and Babies. Hey don't get upset all you parents out there. This is a list and unfortunately it's true that this happens, gets videoed and purchased by sick and perverted men (& women) in the public domain. The destruction of innocence is something millions of men take delight in. It's just what makes human human I suppose.

Food. As popularized by 'American Pie'. Anything hot and squelchy will do though.

Aliens. Should mankind manage to journey beyond the stars, seek out new life and new civilizations they will undoubtedly end up buggering most of those creatures, be they amorphous shape-shifters or cute little bug-eyed grasshopper like beings.

Angels, Devils and God. If God made man in his own image well then he must be plowing his way through the angelic choir even as we speak and is probably being buggered himself because he should definitely reap what he sowed - if you cotton to that kind of thing. Maybe that's where that high-pitched 'aaaaaahhhhhh' you hear coming from the boy's choir comes from. Devils will be hard pushed to be more perverted in their punishment of the damned than those naughtier personages among us who bugger the living, dead and Noah's menagerie before succumbing to the Angel of Death. Oh and there's someone else man would give a good seeing too.

There you go. Men and their penises, peni, penus. What a remarkable bunch we are. Always ready to put it somewhere.