A Mans' "Bill of Rights"

During the span of a mans life there are always influences that govern our philosophy, our juxtaposition in society, our morality, our partners, even our own eventual mortality. But during that entire time, we are ever vigilant pugilists for our personal rights which we long to outwardly establish. I say outwardly because we establish our own edicts of behavior when we are teens. These diktats only come to fruition after we start to coalesce the life plans our parents or guardians have instilled into our ids. I don't want to speak to the lessons of pre-adult life, no, I want to talk lessons we learn as young men, where we establish internal guidelines that we will fight for every day of our lives. What we don't realize is that every man establishes the same basic rules of engagement for life, and we also realize that these rules will remain unspoken. Expressing them can bring us grief, chastising, ridicule and anguish. Who brings on these feelings? Women! Why? Women have their own set of rules they abide by and expect us to as well.

Bill of Rights for Men

The right to scratch and adjust as needed, not necessarily when it's proper.

The right to voice our thoughts on any given subject, not just the ones we're allowed to.

The right to execute chores or projects when it's convenient for us, not someone else.

The right to intimacy on our terms, at least once in a while.

The right to eat and drink wherever we want, in our own home.

The right to occasionally not notice something different, (new hairdo?).

The right to forget something important once in a while.

The right to go out with our friends without the "usual" warnings.

The right to admit our mistakes without "chastastion without representation"

The right to be ourselves.

There are many others that may be included in this list, for example; the right to not talk about everything that bothers us, or, the right to get angry without fear of contrition. These may not even cover everything for every man, but, they cover a lot. What about flatulence or cussing? How about when we get dragged to stores that that only cater to women? Should these be included in the "Bill of Rights"? It really is dependent on each individual, and what is important to them, or more decidedly, what's important to their significant other! You see, it is those whom we have aligned ourselves with, outside of Mandom, that continually influence us, and strive to mold us in their way. They, also, have internal fires they like to fan, but they inflict these beliefs and standards upon us, and truly believe that theirs are the only true purposes and causes worth perpetrating at any time. Once a man has hitched his wagon onto a relationship that requires him to bend or relinquish any of his beliefs, he starts on a road that he will never return; a road which falls away behind him and leaves him nowhere to go but further into capitulation of his personal statutes.

There is some compromise along the journey, if it is done immediately, and without falter, it can be relatively painless. Give into some of the whims and requests, but set boundaries. When a man first enters a relationship, it's all about impression, and part of that initial impression is appearing to have similar interests. This usually leads to him acquiescing to some of her wants, while stifling some of his own. This can be a good thing, but can head towards a very slippery slope. A man must moderate how he is manipulated into furthering a relationship. Sex is generally the tool of choice when women want men to abandon their personal decrees, and men are more than willing to give in to, and be shaped by this tool. But, there does eventually come a day when a man comes to rue his decision to forego these decrees and by then, it's too late, he has lost his rights; trying to exercise any of his of his own statutes that come intrinsic with his Man card are now formerly waived. The mistake that most men make is that they never bring to bear any of their desires, not even occasionally; hence they dissipate and eventually disappear, being taken over by a partner's coercion and persuasion. Yes, I did say coercion, because that's the mentality that develops over time; leading to such statements as," Don't you love me anymore"? , or "All you care about is yourself"! Guys, we know that neither of these phrases are true in any way, shape or form, (or are they?), but they don't recognize that we are just trying to re-establish our sense of self that we lost when we immersed ourselves into the relationship.

Life is too short not to be true to yourself. Being in love and having a relationship are the nectars that make our existence tolerable. They keep us afloat when we feel mired down in reality. They allow us to find happiness in ourselves and around us, but this is where the paradox lies! We find bliss in these affiliations, while at the same time we surrender the very ideals that we established as our guidelines for our joie de vivre. Sometimes a man needs to be monogamous to his own feelings first. It starts with our own beliefs, and the right to take them out for a walk once in a while. If they are kept under lock and key for too long they tend to manifest themselves more as rebellious, rather than a natural course of events. This is why some men stray; this is why we have a mid-life crisis; this is why we sometimes yell and scream and get argumentative, or even get quiet and don't talk at all. We've lost touch with the items, that we had set aside so long ago, that we deemed as important to us. We no longer have access to those triggers that we had polished and honed in our youth. We grope in the dark for a way to bring them back, and in the process, we revert to primitive means of expression, which include any or all of the above!

The secret here is compromise. It's OK to bury yourself in a relationship, but keep a tether on the components that keep you glued together. Most women are not looking for you to exorcise all your demons, only temper them. It's alright if you mess up sometimes, just not all the time. One other point to make here, don't go completely in the other direction on this matter either. If you don't compromise at all, and live only by your rules, well I'm sorry guys, but that makes you a jerk! But what do I know, I'm only a man.