A Mother Talks About Circumcision and Regret

My first son is circumcised. It is a decision that I made and think about often, but the damage is something he will have to live with for the rest of his life. I made the choice to change his perfect body out of lack of knowledge about what would really happen or why. But I am not alone in that unfortunate fate, many other parents choice to circumcise their sons without being told the ramifications of their choice.

I knew nothing about circumcision; no one had said anything to me about it during my pregnancy. My midwife did not bring up the option not to during my visits with her and my childbirth classes never discussed the reason behind the procedure. I just assumed it was one of those things that all babies had done, necessary for his health and well being. I had read one little blurb discussing circumcision near the end of my pregnancy in a pregnancy and parenting magazine, though the entire writer seemed to do was repeat the same information regarding the benefits of circumcision and assured me that it was a painless and simple procedure, things I now know are myths. I asked my partner what he thought and he shrugged his shoulders. Most men that he knew were circumcised, same as him. When I took my new baby in for his first doctor visit and the doctor asked if we would be doing his circumcision that day I nodded my head yes.

Something did not feel right as I stood in the room and watched them strap my baby down. My stomach began to twist and my gut began telling me to do something. But I hushed my instincts and held my partner's hand. Then I stood there and watched my barely a week old baby was screaming for me, twisting his body and fighting as they cut part of his penis off. I shook and sobbed the entire time, clutching my partner's arm and praying for it to be over soon.

For weeks afterward I would change his diapers and stare at the bloody stump that was now his penis, a bloody open wound that society called normal. Each time I was faced with that image of what I had done the lump in my throat would grow and tears would swell in my eyes. With each diaper change for weeks my baby would cry and fight, in pain at the urine and feces and diaper that rubbed against the wound on the head of his penis. I knew that no matter how well he healed he would never be fully healed, he would never be the perfect child I was given because of the choice I made.

My second son is not circumcised. I could never imagine choosing to do that again after witnessing it once. I sometimes think about if I could go back in time my first baby would have never been abused like that. Because that is what it feels like to me, like I stood there and let them abuse my sweet little baby for no real reason. The more I learn about circumcision and the truth behind it the more anger I feel. Each time I remember my baby strapped down and screaming my stomach begins to turn. I wish more parents were informed about circumcision, I wish more doctors were willing to stand up against this unnecessary procedure, and I hope that reading this saves another mother and child from the mental and physical trauma that my son and I endured.