A Mother's Choice: To Stay at Home or Not to Stay at Home

Becoming a mother is an exciting, scary, wonderful experience to say the least. A lot of women have it all planned out before they conceive. Then there are others that thought they had it planned until they hold this little miracle in their hands and then it all changes. All of the sudden you are overcome with emotions you didn't know you have. The things that mattered prior to being a parent are no longer a priority in your life. One of the biggest decisions a mother faces is the choice of giving up her career to become a stay at home mom. For some this requires little discussion because there is no doubt they want to focus on being with the children at home. Then there are others who have a tougher time deciding if it will be a good move to give up their career. There are also some who want to stay home while the child is smaller and they plan on returning to work when the child begins school. Whatever your reasons or plans remember to stay flexible and look at all the options.

As with any major decision you should sit down with your spouse and discuss the pros and cons. Of course the biggest deciding factor will be the financial aspect of losing one income. A few things to consider:

1.Can your spouse cover all your household expenses? Determine the amount of income needed and be sure to take into consideration some spending money other than bills. *Be sure to consider the daycare expenses, travel, lunches, and wardrobe if you decided to work* Depending on your salary it may not be cost effective to maintain a full time job.

2.Start looking at ways to reduce bills

3.If finances are too tight start looking for creative ways to earn extra income from home. Although it is not necessarily easy to find a good work at home job they are available.

4.If you both decide to work will your jobs flexible enough to split the sick days that are going to come up with any child? If possible you would not want all that responsibility to fall on one parent if it could be helped.

5.How long do you plan on staying home? Are you in a competitive industry such as Telecom that will make it difficult to return after several years out of the work force?

6.Will you pursue additional job/educational training to ensure you can re enter the work force when you are ready?
7.How will your family plan for retirement?

8.With one parent staying home it can often result in a financial difficulty resulting in a lot of overtime for the other parent. Be prepared for less time with each other.

9.Be prepared for burnout. In other words, you can get burned out parenting just as you can working full time outside the home. Should you decide to be a Stay at home mom have a support network. You will want a "vacation day" just like anyone else and NEED a day out to yourself. Or you may have a Dr. Appointment that you need to attend so it is always a good idea to have support to help you when these situations arise.

These are just a few items to get the discussion going. There are a lot of other things to consider depending on your situation and your personality.

There is not right or wrong answer to this decision. You have to decide what is right for you and your family. There are pros and cons to both sides as there is to anything. Whatever your decision you can always decided to change it. It doesn't have to be permanent. If you try it and it doesn't work well for you then you begin your search to find a job. At least if you give it a try you will never sit back and wonder "what if".

I personally have been on both sides of this decision. It started when my daughter was born 4 years ago. I chose to continue with my career and felt it was the best choice not only for me but for my family. Now 4 years later and another child later I have decided to give staying at home a chance. I have been out of the workforce for just a year now and don't regret my decision for a minute. It was a huge adjustment in many ways and there are times I miss working outside the home and I miss my independence outside of being "mommy". For me, being a stay at home mom is far more challenging than working full time and juggling the two kids but the rewards are greater therefore I am happier than I have ever been.

The choice and the results will be different for every family. There are still some people that feel strongly about women staying home to raise their children and those who chose to work will always feel they have to "defend" their right to a career and a family. As with everything there is the other side of supporters that feel stay at home moms should go to work to help their spouse and family financially. Either choice you make there will always be someone who makes you feel you must "defend" your choice. If you are happy with the decision you have made then you will not mind the not so supportive remarks you may get from others.

Most importantly you should keep yourself and your family happy and everything else will fall into place.